So to tell my predicament i need to tell you about my life a

So to tell my predicament i need to tell you about my life all my life my mom has told me she is the only person i can trust even though was mentally abusive towards me always chose my sister above me i rember when i was little my mom would call me the devil she would say she hates me im not good enough she also had this way of convincing others that it was all my fault and eventually she convinced some therapists to send me to residential treatment called barnone where i was jumped amd beaten by kids and staff i was there for 9 months and then my depression was so bad i couldnt take it anymore and attempted suicide they sent me to the hospital and the hospital released me the same night when i got back there they put me in the calming room which is basically a concrete room for 72 hours in tell a staff came in and started insulting my dead dad so i snapped and pushed him i was charged with 5th degree assault and sent to lino lakes rjc for 3 mo ths where they stripped you of humanity you couldnt evem say yeah there it was yes or no so i was finally released from there and went back to my moms house where she kicked me out two weeks later for not washing her coffee cup so i went and lived with my aunt and uncle but by this time i was still emotionally hurt and didnt trust anyone and so they sent me to a group home where i stayed till i was 18 then i went and moved back in with my mom but this time around she left me alone but my sister was the one who was cruel to me she would scream from her room go kill yourself and so i moved out of that house and moved in with a friend who screwed me on rent and so we both got evicted because i couldnt afford it all so i go and stay at a shelter called hopestreet where i met some wonderful people who have finally made me start loving myself but then my mom texts me and asked for money about a month ago i say no and she says that she hates me hopes i die and disownes me even though my mom was so cruel to me it broke me and she was serious it been a month and she wont answer my calls or texts and i cant cry i dont know why everynight i have terrible nightmares i wake up feeling tears coming up and my stomach tightens but then the feeling vanishes and i am left feeling hollow and empty sorry about the long story but i dont know how else to explain it

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Thanks but the big thing is that i now feel empty hollow everytime i get close to crying or letting out emotion within seconds the feeling vanishes and i again feel hollow i have tried alot of things to make me cry and none of them work when they used too i get so close to letting out emotions then they just shut down and i have a safe place to go i am at my aunts

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[295]
Feb 12

Hey Tyler, sorry to hear how things are going for you but hold your head up things will get better for you were all here for you.

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jim111's picture
[12815]
Feb 12

We all tend to feel love for our parents and want love from them no matter how harsh and unloving they are.

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