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I can't keep going on with my life like this. Literally don'

I can't keep going on with my life like this. There HAS to be a solution to what I am feeling. Literally don't think there is much more I can take. My family and friends know everything there is to know for the most part and I don't feel much better. Last week I had a seizure at work, fell down 10 feet of stairs, had more seizures and I am back at square one with no driving. I came up with a plan for moving that I thought would fix everything but as my bank account is now at 9 dollars I know that isn't a possible option. I own a home and that is all the money I have. I have to sell my house but that takes time and in the mean time I don't know how to cope. I don't know how to keep doing this day in and day out. That is how I really feel. I try to be strong for people around me and I can't fix their pain, I can't say anything to help them, make them feel better about things they are dealing with so what good am I for? If I feel my life is miserable and I'm not making a difference to help people in my life.... I'm so tired. What is the point. My body is betraying me. My mind keeps playing tricks on me. I'm at work and everyone knows what happened and are being nice but nobody really knows what is going on inside "I hope you feel better" doesn't even compare to what I need "better". I can't drive now until August, at least. I had a seizure over the weekend that I didn't even tell anyone about because I can't deal with it...with stressing out the people I love, pushing my driving date back. I just want to move away, have my plan work out, and be happy. I got a dog recently that I'm thinking was a mistake now...I LOVE him to death but it complicates things now and I probably didn't need to do that to my life especially after last week. I got him because I saw driving coming back soon but now that is taken from me. I can't talk to anyone about this because the person I confide in is aligned with my parents and would tell them it's a sensitive topic for them because of personal reasons. I don't know what to do anymore. My body is in so much discomfort, my medication dose change is making me feel horrible. But I have to keep waking up, keep going to a job I don't care about. I just want to be in bed, sleeping, all day and watch tv. I want a hug, Someone to just hold me, tell me everything is going to be okay. Someone I feel safe with and comfortable with. Everyone thinks it should b e my parents because they are nice people and would do anything for me but it's not, and people don't understand that. They don't make me feel better....they often make me feel worse or uncomfortable and then I become the bad person for that. I tried to see if a friend was coming near me so that I could borrow a Xanax because I can't deal with this right now. My prescription is out and now I can't afford to get it until I get paid and I can't ask to borrow from my parents because i'm an adult and shouldn't be doing that to them but also they don't support me taking it. I feel sick to my stomach. I need this pain to stop.

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Feb 11

Thank you for intense and honest thoughts. I see one thing that you are good at. You write well. You can use words to describe the human condition. You use the words in a way that makes any sane person "feel" what you are saying. I encourage you to write more and let this gift you have take shape and help others who are not so gifted at expression.

Hope617's picture
Feb 12

@wsbyrne thank you. I do love to write.


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