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For the past few days everything has been really awful. Rela

For the past few days everything has been really awful. Relapses of depression, mental breaks downs and panic attacks. A lot of them have been caused by my grandma, who I live with. It isn't a surprise though! She is always doing this to me and my sister. Mentally hurting us, me! Not remembering about what I did in the past and want to do. I've wanted to do it again. Right now it hurts, it really f#$#ing does. I want to cry scream and die. That's all. Some of the simplest things hurt nowadays, I'm feeling more and more alone, more and more weight is being put onto me. In five months I can get a job, no not can need one. I'm turning fifteen. But appearently I have to have great grades to work. I need the money to survive, eat and get what I need in the future.
I need help but my family is focused in my twin sister more than anything after she had ONE break down in school and I've done so much obvious s***t to myself they don't see it or care. In the past I cut all the time, I never got help, they knew I was suicidal, I never got help and it's only getting worse. I need to survive three and a half more years but I don't think I can, not with everything going on right now.

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[13530]
Jan 11

I would check into a psychiatric ward if I felt the way you do. It's a safe environment while you try to get better

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BlackLily's picture
[11235]
Jan 12

@Cory 1990 How are you?

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BlackLily's picture
[11235]
Jan 12

@AadamJaames I apologize for the typos and spelling errors, unfortunately I was using my phone last night to type because I was baking cookies. What I meant to say is you're so welcome, I hope things get better for you, and I'm on here when I have down time. I have a lot right now because of the break but since I have limited down time due to school I try to get on when I can. By the way how are you feeling today, is it any better? I hope you have a wonderful day and try to do some type of hobby that's healthy of course. Hugs!!!

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