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I put my faith and trust in something just to get told it's

PeppermintSunrise's picture
[8850]

I put my faith and trust in something just to get told it's not working. Its not enough. Do this and it'll get better, no one is helping you but who cares about your needs? If I'm here for a reason then it must be to be a punching bag for most ppl. Im patient, I don't fight, I don't like to argue and I'm respectful yet I still get stomped on. Why this punishment? Wtf did I do? I'm not even a rotten child but I still get treated like sht. Then I listen to other parents who brag about how good their kids came out and I'm like hoorah, lucky them and lucky you god clearly loves you all better than most doesnt he? I try to do for myself since ppl say if you dont try basically wont help you. So thanks for trying to push me until I puke but I cant try anymore. I think I get sick of hearing about god because the love on this now tainted earth is not and has never been equally distributed from people to people. What the fck is up with ignorant and awful people bring able to fun everything? What's up with parents who abuse their children when there are folks who can't have kids who happily even tale in someone my age, 23 and up as a foster child. Work and make money and they'll love you, they'll now how a reason to applaud you. Lots of humans have made this world miserable and people clearly love it because they keep giving them credit for it and sympathizing with them more than the people they keep crushing. You could be trying your best until that becomes your last breath and ppl would still say you need to try harder.

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[130]
Dec 7

Consider that your parents may be mentally, psychologically, or emotionally ill. I think this is often the case. As one therapist told me, I'll never get the apology I wanted from them. Regard their abuse as an unlucky roll of the dice, one of many we all have, along with lucky rolls.

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emilycross's picture
[900]
Dec 7

kinda long but please read; I once sat in front of my mirror absolutely naked and waited there until I l could say I accepted and loved myself. I looked right at the girl in the mirror, I stared for a long while, I picked apart her body, and tore her down emotionally, I laughed at her scars and taunted her about her weight and hair and face, but then I realized I felt nothing but mean and evil in that moment. And I knew I didn't want to be that kind of person. I didn't enjoy the feeling. I started to think about who she might be, what she was like, what people would truly say about her. It wasn't all pleasant. There were some hard things to accept that she had done. I understood why she wanted to die so badly. The guilt, shame, regret, embarrassment, stress.. it would overwhelm anybody..so I started to look for other things about her. I started to see her beauty instead, And I did. She sat there starring back at me with these eyes that had seen the worst in humanity and still believed it could grow to become something far better. I saw a good person that a lot of bad things happened to, that weren't all her fault. For the first time in my life, I truly saw myself. I then got out my pen and paper and started to draw the woman I saw. There was a lot of crying but it helped me more than any therapy or self help book about how to love yourself. I just couldn't look at her and say these awful things to her, knowing all she had been through, knowing all her thoughts and worries. I finally understood I'm not an evil or bad person, and neither is she.
You should try it.
Really, you might walk away with a newfound appreciation for the girl in the mirror.

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emilycross's picture
[900]
Dec 7

sorry to randomly spring that on you. I just read a few of your posts and I could empathize with the emotions you were explaining. This feeling of everyone against you, feeling worthless, and unattractive, you hate on yourself. But I think if you take the time to be one on one with yourself and be real about all that binds you to these feelings of self damnation, you're going to find that you're a very strong hearted woman with great perseverance.
<3

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