I barely slept at all and woke up exhausted. Is it wrong to

Verelinn's picture
[10210]

I barely slept at all and woke up exhausted. Is it wrong to feel betrayed by my friend using the situation to bully me? I feel really down today after realizing everytime I try to stand up for myself, they get angry at me and try to guilt me into doing what they want. Not once ever asking, always telling me what I'm going to do and when. I haven't been around this type of behavior since my dad was alive...I didn't realize it was such a trigger for me. I told them that, and they didn't care at all. I guess that have no understanding of how these things work. If someone cares about you, shouldn't they feel bad for making you feel so uncomfortable? Instead of angry and try to make you feel guilty for standing up for your feelings?

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WhosThere's picture
[200]
Feb 14

It's not wrong for you to feel betrayed. I really question whether you can consider some one who guilt trips and bullies you a friend.
If they are using your trauma as an excuse for their behavior than I would say that is a big red flag: "You don't know what is good for you, because of what happened to you, that is the only reason you don't want to do what I say". Also, if their behavior and attitude shows that they deny you agency: "Doesn't bother me, shouldn't bother you", "I know whats good for you" etc.
Think about someone you truly care for, if someone was treating them the way you are being treated, would you be okay with it? How would you want that person to advocate for themselves in this situation?
The situation you are in makes you feel bad enough that you're looking for help from a support group, loosing sleep, feeling awful. So why do you have to live with it? These friends could literally be the best people in the world but if the situation is unmanageable for you, you should not force yourself. If they are truly friends they will understand that the current situation is hurting you.
Think about it like a peanut allergy, if you are allergic to peanuts the people that care about you are not going to continually try to force or coerce you to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

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[40]
Feb 15

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m working on breaking my own trauma bonds and cycles and have had friends who I feel guilty for and end up carrying their shame for them. This is a very hard journey to navigate. Bullying and that power drive are usually about their shame. Be strong and do what is best for you during your recovery.

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Marlo's picture
[660]
Feb 15

@WhosThere The way you wrote this made so much sense. I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel the way I do with a relationship I’m ending. He keeps txting me things that seem nice and twisting things around that I feel guilty. You nailed it. The guilt trip. I did what I knew u should do and got the guilt trip now I’m the one in tears second guessing myself.

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