I am going through a divorce. I am in the relation with thi

I am going through a divorce.
I am in the relation with this man from my college days. But, eventually, after 12 years in this relation, we grew apart. We have nothing in common now. He is a wonderful man, my best friend and I am married to him for last 3 years.
Before my marriage, I understood that this marriage is not a good decision. But, the family from where I come, Love Marriage itself was a big thing. So, I could not gain enough courage to tell my parents that I didn't love this person anymore. Also, I thought, it is possible that everything will be alright after the marriage.
But, nothing went as I expected. I had no physical relation with my husband.
Soon, I met another guy and fell in love with him. I got out from this affair now. But, now I realize that, I am wasting both my and my husbands life. I told about this to my husband and he too agrees (to some extent) that we should get divorced.
Now, I feel guilty like hell. I am not only hurting my best friend (probably the only person who understand me) and my parents as well.
This feeling is just killing me from inside. I am so depressed. I know I deserve this pain. Sometimes, I feel like I can't take this anymore. I know I am a terrible person and I can't forgive myself.

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[1540]
Nov 14

I know what you are going through as I to come from an orthodox family that is very family oriented. I know that this sounds a bit harsh but at the end of the day, your parents are not the ones that will have to spend the rest of their lives with this person, it will be you. Explaining this to your parents will be difficult, but it may be better not to get into this marriage if you know in your heart that this isn't what you want.

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[225]
Nov 15

When we try to live our lives for others, making their happiness our priority, it does damage to our own hearts. You clearly love and respect your family and I pray they do you too and see you as the adult woman you are. That's really hard for our parents, and even for me as a parent. I'm sorry you are hurting so deeply. You didn't mention if you have a faith or belief system, but that is a great place to get help and or counseling to help navigate these rough waters. My prayer is you'll find healing and the wisdom you need to make the right decision. Hugs and prayers from Texas

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[8710]
Nov 15

@Unwanted_forever
I learned a long time ago to stop living our life for others.
For in the end, it will do more damage than anything else.
My mother was pushed into a marriage with my father, an arranged marriage sort of thing.
They never dated or been with each other , etc. They got married because her mother was pushing for it. Mom did not want to marry him.
Then much later, we kids came along. I am an older adult now.
The marriage was miserable most of the time. It was horrible for us kids too a lot of the time.
When my male cousin became engaged to his first wife, his mother (my aunt) got so upset about it that she got sick, she had to be hospitalized. She wanted him to marry another girl that my cousin had previously dated. My cousin married her "anyway." My aunt got over it and get well.
If you want to look back on your life and be full of regrets, then continue to live your life for others.
If you do not, then you will have to become strong willed and follow your dreams.
When I used to work as a nurse, I met many old people including Rabbi's who were basically at the end of life. They told me how they regretted not dating or marrying certain person, because they had to follow what society or what their family wanted.
I thought that was so sad to be at the end of one's life and have those regrets.
That was why I married whom I wanted. I would never let family, society or anyone influence me otherwise.
Live your own life my dear, for you only have one life.

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