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Okay, so we set up a little date night last night. It was m

Okay, so we set up a little date night last night. It was mutual, and she bought the groceries and I made the dinner. We had a good time, and watched a couple of episodes of good girls. Then I stayed the night, and in the morning we gave each other a hug and kiss goodbye. Told each other have a good day!

Then today she sends me a text today saying she had a fun, thank you. Then after that nothing, like it never happened. I don't get it, and I truly do not understand what is happening any more

My sister thinks I should stop texting her all together, and play hard to get. My therapist thinks I should find out her exact boundaries are so I know exactly what she want. Some of you on her think I should run and call it quits, because of all the red flags. I did a pros and cons list today and I had 13 pros and 4 cons.

What is going on in her head? Are there any women on here that can tell me what is going on in there?

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Doogas2008's picture
[3825]
Jan 11

@NCMom

Well what I did worked. I told her it was crazy what I did last night. The more I read Morningviews post, he's right. I apologized for it while we were out for lunch. She said don't apologize for that, I was being unfair. I respect you more now that you stood in there and didn't back down. We just had lunch and a movie, and it went really well.

I have a lot to think about, and it is funny how we all feel differently about certain situations. Last night it just felt like the right thing to do, and as of right now in this moment. I really feel like it opened up our communication a little more. I also know more of what she truly feels.

NCMom, I understand why you'd feel that way. No doubt about it, it was extremely unhealthy and if we had good communication. It never would of happened. Judging by your post on here, I don't feel you would of stonewalled someone either to get to that point.

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mmadwaite's picture
[39960]
Jan 11

Doogas She is the only one who knows what's going on in her head. If she can't or won't tell you, that's a big red flag. I agree with what is said that most relationships fail because of differences in financial desires and control and lack of communication. You are not getting your needs met. Here is something no one talks about and it is probably pretty important in navigating successful relationships. There is something called attachment styles; there are four of them. Briefly, they are normal, anxious, avoidance, and disorganized. They attempt to explain behaviors in interpersonal relationships. The style you develop is based on the relationship your parents had and what their interface was like with you. These actually do come into play in how you act in a romantic relationship. On the other hand maybe she's just not ready for the all the time closeness that you need and want.

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Narodnik57's picture
[2325]
Jan 13

@Iristoiris I guess I was just never 'horny enough', and I know what you're talking about. Lots of guys fishing for sex cast very wide nets. I put myself out there, too, but not like that. I have already made the mistake of falling into lust, hoping for the best, and then ending up heart-broken and angry. No thanks. So, it's not as if I advocate for some libertine free-love. Far from it. I decided to not be in any rush and reject anyone from the start who didn't pass certain standards. A few months without dating and fumbling around in the sack I could do easy. But a year? That's how suicide bombers are created.

Make a list of all the issues and dislikes from previous relationships and then sit back and waited.

"But, I'm SOOOO done giving myself away to trash." Exactly how I felt. Dating wasn't even worth the bother at one point. I fully understand why some people give up dating. Before I met my wife, I had to run the gauntlet of women with money problems, child problems, ex problems, legal problems, etc. along with some varying degrees of philosophical/political/religious differences that were deal breakers from the start.

I think 10 dates before sex is not a bad idea. I had a three date rule. No. Not for sex but a mutual feeling of physical attraction that's more than just curiosity. If a woman didn't show some inkling of desire for me after three dates, I let it go. Again, not talking about actual sex, but mutual chemistry.

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