This might be a long post so let me get some attention by s

(820)

This might be a long post so let me get some attention by saying the most interesting (amusing from society's point of view) thing about me - "I HAVE A MICROPENIS (or close to it)"

I didn't know what groups to select. Am not sex-addict that's for sure, am just porn addict. (Been using reddit for a while, so that would've been a line where trolls could jump up with "that's obvious" comments)

I've been porn addict since 14 and used to watch normal stuff, no fetish. After 6 years I somehow noticed that I was rather too small compared to those porn ones and.... well not just porn ones, even compared to normal ones (coz i used to watch amateur and and all as well and of course then I checked on internet )
The reason I didn't come to know earlier was probably coz : I live in a country where sex is not talked about, except for the double meaning jokes.. nope. Most people don't have sex in teenage here, many have it after the marriage for the first time, our media doesn't "body shame" someone running for presidential elections and at least a candidate doesn't talk about junk size of opponent to show that he is less capable to be president (Well.. hello Americans :) )

And secondly coz growing up... I was extremely jealous of girls coz of all the extra attention and care they used to get from teachers and looking at guys being crazy for them, buying them stuff and sh#t, one of the biggest regrets of my life would be getting born as a male, right next to being born as a male with micropenis followed by - doing so in India and that too in general caste (Indians would understand)

So.... the issue is: Once I came to know about size (PS: I didn't knwo about the whole rejections/beta male/cuckoldry/sph... nothing yet) the next month was awful, Even if relationships always cringed me and I was all for games and books, it was the last semester of college and probably the first time I thought about may be ... talking to a girl... but right before that I learnt about this and I spent next experience what people called "Depression", thinking about how the person I love won't be happy.

Ok, let's skip some rant and come to the part I discovered shaming, cuckoldry, SPH fetish, standards in society, groups where girls made fun of guys who don't meet those standards... well let's just get rid ofthe word 'groups' and call it "social media" in general and how it was all seen as "just a joke", "preference" or "not meant that way".
Then I came to know about all the double standards and I basically became a SJW on reddit.

So..............here is something i need to say : Having a small organ in pants suck, even when you are not shamed, just the thought of no one feeling that level of lust/love for you or crave for your body specially when you grew up watching vanilla porn for 6 years. It destroyed me completely. I've been a very confident guy at school as i excelled in academics and was overall good at everything. But the moment I learnt about all that.... it just destroyed me.
Then i came to know about how small penis is used as an insult, as a symbol of shame and how nobody gives a f##k about it if a man complains coz if he does that, he is declared to be one of those small ones and then mocked/bullied even more.
Amazing thing is mass media accepts it too: References ?
RTA Pinkie campaign - defended by "not meant that way"
No short **** men - defended by "men do it too", but how is it relevant to me complaining about my body being used as a symbol of shame there ?
Trump's idol and women pointing and laughing at it.....
In short.... totally acceptable to do it..........coz who is going to oppose huh? Do they want to commit "socail suicide" by admitting they are small?

Now imagine a brain swinging between feeling extremely sad coz I wouldn't be able to ever experience sex like normal people do and filled with rage looking at the double standards in body shaming and how every attempt to talk about it just gets you mocked, called insecure , crybaby or an incel.

That's where I've been living for past 14 months now. Impact? It destroyed my confidence, will to be successful in career (for what huh?), interest in computer programming and learning new things and the latest one "video games", yep! strong enough to depart me from my first love.

Now.... as I'm addict I started watching SPH and cuck porn and somehow it gets me off (any porn gets me off) coz I can't watch normal porn any more, it was after learning about everything that i started noticing the excessive use of term "Big" in porn. And do i want to be a cuck ? hell no! Do those make porn make me mad or cry... a lot of times they do (again this is something people tend to enjoy right, guy crying yayyyy!!!!).

Contemplated suicide? every other day, somethings stops me: The beings that created me. They are the loveliest parent a child can get (most Indian parents are like that i guess.... I dunno, but am privileged to have such great parents)

I honestly have lost every last bit of interest in things. I'm stuck , I hate my body, I hate the things I do, I hate that I watch weird porn, I hate that I'm a guy, I hate that I live in current generation where a so called "beta male" is disposable. Where his feelings are just jokes while if a good looking human gets a scratch on their body and it becomes a big deal.

Btw here is something I want to tell y'all about those who think cuck and SPH are fetish: its an "acquired" one and it's not something "Most" of them want, I can tell coz I've been to their communities and almost every other post is "I wish.............. haha" everyone except the outer world knows how fake that haha is.......and if you ask them if they would rather be big, all of them say yes! ... well I don't think that's how it should work.... I've always been a little attracted to femdom ones (gentle femdom) ... it's a fetish czo if you ask me "do you wish you were dominant".. NO! I have a fetish coz that's what makes me feel good when i think about it, no part of it makes me sad................ Almost all of those with cuck and SPH (well, for SPH, I can use the word 'ALL') of them didn't have that, they acquired it.

Well, I was supposed to write this in a sad tone... but I dunno when I started to explain things and all.... nvm, I've vented my feelings.... anyone reads: good. Nobody reads: no problem coz am disposable anyways

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(820)
Jun 23

@stupid.girl flaccid....am just like a newborn baby. Erect...m close to micro.. ~4.5 and that's not all... I have foreskin and....overall it looks ugly..... Also about confidence, I dunno. If I ever feel like getting into a relationship, like I've mentioned in another comment I want my partner to be the more confident one/emotionally stronger. I'm more into stuff like role reversal (if you don't get the term, look for reddit- r/roleReversal sub). Also, it's just. ......tough to see my body being ridiculed so often. "But they're not pointing at you"....umm...okaiii when people body shame women, they don't just point out one of them... If they fat shame or ridicule skinny girls....every skinny girl or fat girl can feel offended/hurt by it....it's just that in men's case, nobody is going to oppose it coz we'll just be called insecure and ignored....just like media ignores how some things cross limits while making jokes on small penises.

I dunno....Am I insecure? Yes! I mean... I can't imagine having sex with this thing... I can't... I won't be able to do anything .... No positions, not the things that I like watching in porn, nothing.... Even if it doesn't matter that much to a girl, it matters a lot to me as well..... And why wouldn't a girl like to feel stretched and all a bit? That must be satisfying afterall.... When people say big ones hurt...they mean big ones... Yea they might... But when I say small it isn't a 6 inch am talking about... I mean I'm small which means thinner and shorter than average.... That doesn't satisfy ME as well because I would have liked to have something normal.

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(315)
Jun 23

@Dead98 A bit subversive but have you tried consuming Magic Mushrooms? It seems to me that you could use a ticket to another dimension to gain some perspective. I think everyone should try it once in their life. I understand how much disdain you have for your physical form but I do have to be blunt with you and say you are focusing on the spilled cups while your back has a few more that have not spilled, if that makes sense. I am not sure who is pointing you out and making fun of your beautiful body but they too are narrow focusing on something that truly is menial. From my point of view life is abundantly wild and it has to be because it is the physical expression of creation. You are literally an expression of creation but not in a dualistic sense. It is not good nor bad, it just is. You just are the way you are, I am the way I am; however, if you can transcend the fruit loop, hehe, thought loops, that keep replaying in your mind, yours not anyone else's then you will remember just how innately powerful you are. You can choose to surrender your power and hearing you say so informs me that the emotional pain is great and you need rest. However, your innate power does not go away because your are divinity itself, just as I am. We all are divine beings expressing the energy of creation in all spectrums of light to dark. Once you step into that recognition, you will see that your body is a gift and thats it. Your soul; however, is the expression of divinity in the physical form. How majestic is that? You can ignore it and choose suffering because that is how powerful you are, to create what it is you want to experience. This is life, you always choose, always, and those with an external locus of control will look outwards for blame but you could transform your entire existence if you wanted. Its up to you. They say it is incredibly hard to maintain a healthy relationship when self-esteem, confidence, and self-concept are low. Your journey right now clearly is not about loving another or experiencing sex. It appears that your dilemma is existential. I am a firm believer that those with deep deep darkness within are just as capable of the same depth of light. The two are not separate but as one. You can not have just darkness because light follows. Good Luck

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stupid.girl's picture
(3885)
Jun 23

@Dead98 idk, you definitely trip a lot. You assume what others are thinking and feeling. I've been with guys who would love to have that 4 1/2 incher, so maybe you need to see a counselor do deal with the insecurities you have. Not a put down, but your size isn't that bad so whoever made you feel so insecure is a ****. Maybe cuz I'm short, I could have lots of fun with a guy your size.

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