I'm at the end of week 3 for this coding class that I'm reta

Living4Peace's picture
(39875)

I'm at the end of week 3 for this coding class that I'm retaking because I failed it last time, and I'm running into the same problem that I did before. Sort of. I have a slightly better understanding than I did at this phase last time, but I'm still hitting the same mental wall. My course project outline/proposal idea is due today and I'm just drawing a huge blank.... I have a rough idea of what I want to do, but I don't know how to "inflate" it, lol. I have to do a 5 minute proposal explaining my idea, but so far I've only got maaaaaybe 3 minutes worth of material... if I really drag it out... I was supposed to post it around Wednesday so others could watch it and comment on it. **sigh** I feel like this is probably easier than I think it is, but I'm over complicating it in my head and defeating myself before I even begin.... :( I do it alot... But my GPA/scholarship is riding on this class and I CANNOT fail it again! Ugh...I wish I could kick myself in the head and get things in gear...

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Living4Peace's picture
(39875)
May 20, 2018

I want to say I feel like a complete idiot, because I do, but rationally I realize it's my deeply rooted fear of failure causing me to sabotage myself before I even start. I hate this part of myself so much...it doesn't help that I've been surrounded by people telling my I'm stupid and will never succeed at anything my whole life... It makes me want to scream because I know what I'm capable of, but I have no confidence in myself. It's like a constant inner battle with myself that I almost NEVER win. I have no one in my life that cares about me, other than my daughter but that's not a burden a child should carry. No one that will help lift me up when I'm down, let alone care if I graduate or with what kind of GPA.

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