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Sad today. Very insecure about my marriage. I have almost no

Sad today. Very insecure about my marriage. I have almost no self esteem. When he gets mad at me he verbally abuses me and I take it. I don’t know how to make myself be stronger.

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 2
GirlKitty's picture
[51670]
Jan 11

Welcome to the SG!
I'm so sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry you're going through verbal abuse. My ex-husband was a master at verbal abuse, he seemed to really enjoy tearing me down. When someone verbally abuses us it makes us feel so small and insignificant. It's one of the worst things our spouse can do to us, it definitely leaves a lasting scar. I believe when a spouse verbally abuses us it's because they're feeling insignificant and miserable themselves. That's just my opinion.
Even though logically we know what they say isn't true, their words record in our mind and play over and over like a recording.
What we have to do is stop the abuse from playing over and over in our mind and we have to replace it with something positive. This may sound weird, but it really works and doing this has really helped me. Privately, stand in front of a mirror and say out loud something positive about yourself. The first one I was taught to say by my psychologist was, "I'm loving and loveable." I usually do this in my bathroom mirror after my shower. I tell myself at least 3 times, "I'm loving and loveable." It's important to look at yourself and believe it when you say it. If your spouse tells you you're 'dumb', replace it with "I'm intelligent and wise" and so on. Replace the negative words with something to build ourselves up.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is to live with someone who verbally abuses you. I hope things get better for you. I truly wish you the best.

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[2070]
Jan 21

I hear you. Been there myself. You know you're not those things and it hurts deeply and at some point it starts to sink in though you don't totally believe it - but maybe...It's insanity because this person is verbally abusing you and belittling you to bring you down to his level and he's probably enjoying it. :-( It's up to you to stand up for yourself and consider leaving. Abuse is abuse - and mental abuse is sneaky, manipulative and you don't have outward scars for proof. You might even wish he'd hit you rather inflict the verbal abuse bc at least you could bandage the physical wound - but that's all it is a bandaid. The problem will never go away. Think about saving yourself - you shouldn't have to live like this.

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