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How do you know for sure that you're codependent? Therapists

How do you know for sure that you're codependent? Therapists are always throwing that word around as if they've explained what it means. I'm a daughter of a narcissist and I'm sure i am codependent, but i need to know the definition so i can fix it.

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Needcourage's picture
[430]
Mar 17

According to Melody Beattie; "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior." The key words being behavior and controlling. I have her book and am trying myself to accept the fact that I cannot control anyone, which is the beginning of codependents anonymous 12 step recovery program, I.e. (I admitted I was powerless over others and my life had become unmanageable) this first step has to be accepted for any recovery can begin and I am so trying to accept that fact and get on with my life. Its hard.

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Needcourage's picture
[430]
Mar 17

@Blueberries1234
Exactly!

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[140]
Mar 17

Hey. My mother and father were narcs. I think it doesn't matter what label therapists give you. The result of such poo parenting is that you end up with a lack of self-confidence, and skewed view of the world, and a tendency to gravitate to mean/ emotionally unavailable people because that is familiar. I have worked on this issue for about ten years and I promise it gets much better. Some of the codependent literature helped me, because one does develop those behavioral patterns, but some of it was detrimental to me, because for me it took away my agency and treated me as if I were diseased. Whereas a lot of the improvement comes from simple life-skills and gaining an understanding of just how strangely we tend to see the world and interact with people, when our brains we were wired by narcs as babies. Everyone is different, and what works for me might not work for you, but if I you think sharing any of my experiences with you can help, let me know.

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