Life theme of an Empath: Why do I try to help people? 1.Avoi

Blueberries1234's picture
(63070)
Jan 18 in Codependency, Fibromyalgia, Narcissist

Life theme of an Empath: Why do I try to help people? 1.Avoid stress. 2. Heal myself by offering solutions to others with the same problems---a lack of ability to face ny own issues directly---a kind of trauma defense mechanism? 3.Isn't this trauma defence mechanism similar to that of narcissists, who ALSO cannot look at their own trauma? So the empath has an adaptation response to not be able to access their trauma in a way, by accessing it by proxy-helping people with similar issues. I find patterns in survivors of narcissism abuse, and I realize we have similar vulnerabilities----this inability to STOP HELPING, FIXING, CARING.... It goes so deep. For a while I completely stopped commenting, and this served an important role to help me break the habit of impulsively responding and trying to rescue others---which comes from a place of superiority but also a way to escape myself and the feeling of stress. I think a lot of parentified kids become empaths. And, if we dont look at this habit and burn out, an empath can become a "dark empath" an actual psychological term to describe empaths who behave like narcissists. There's so much nuance, and even reading about narcissism obsessively is a phase of healing but ALSO holds sometimes the retrauma of living through the things we went through. I believe in all of you. All of this was triggered, because recently I developed a crush on a guy, who is of course inaccessible to me ---abother pattern in my life----keeping myself safe by liking people I can never really get close to (he is a semi-prof; much older; others lived at a far distance, or would no doubt be returning to their coubtry of origin). So to avoid thinking about this guy, I came onto this website to focus on other people's issues. So Im sorry for constantly commentingon people's posts, helpful or annoying or self righteous---know it is a form of self escape and my trauma response; Sorry.

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Littlesis7's picture
(28425)
Mar 20

@Blueberries1234 I know what you mean about tricking myself into scheduling early meetups & such to get myself up. I did have a job that required me to be up- but that's changed for the moment. The weird thing is, even when I was up, I had a lot of struggle to adapt and 'feel alive ready for the day'. I don't know why I've been like this my whole life. If my Cycadian Rythm is off then it's been since a small child.
Isn't it strange the fantasies we hold on to -I never give up the idea that I'll become this incredibly organized, tuned-in individual who's got it together so much -lots of projects getting done, getting seen & appreciated. Marking my absolute life's purpose...finally. Ha. I just can't seem to get out of my own way.
At some pt I realized, it really is about emotional and physical ENERGY. You can talk yourself into anything when you possess it.
Ok, you've convinced me, I'm gonna check out your Reiki vid, it sounds very interesting & I thank you for thinking of me...yes I am def open-minded about a lot of grey-area Spiritual based support.
For a lot of yrs I could only find help in books. I'm so happy the internet has been an infinite source at our fingertips bc even tho I did find incredible support in a few group meetups in the past, covid really destroyed all that 'in-person' experience. I'm trying to teach myself everything bc there is no one left in the corner cheering me.
Life becomes confusing for this introvert/ extrovert w need for isolation after absorbing waaaay too much negatives coming off humans in come in contact with. Socializing is a love/hate thing.
Someone suggested this bk: The Empath's Survival Guide by Judith Orloff. I'm a good reader but my attention/ patience level is crucial w a lot of self-help material. Anyone w adhd will understand...we get hyper-focused into a subject. Research it, begin applying it...then all of a sudden it's like a giant "switch" gets flipped. Our brains are like "nope, that's it..I'm done -on to the next thing!" Horrible.
I also have an ingrained level of guilt & shame if I think I'm wasting precious days that a Creator has awarded me breath...like ooooh...you are going to have to answer for every moment you decided to do A, B or C... Yeah, super irrational I know.
Like you I have had a penpal. One was awesome and the other became a really bad experience due to my youthful state of unawareness. The lessons that are thrown at us are never anything we'd sign up to go thru!
Agree about phones, especially bc I had a life 'before smart phones LOL' wow, I've been around. I do not like how they've unconciously become an extention of ourselves overnight...gahhhhh.
Yes you're right about having conversations w virtual strangers, suddenly getting to know them and having a window into their lives. Humans were not meant to totally isolate and most of us do better at clicking into other's lives, learning about differences, playing off and measuring those traits against how we conduct ourselves. Thanks for that :)

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Blueberries1234's picture
(63070)
Mar 21

@Littlesis7. I'm cheering for you. Really, I am. I hope you reach every goal and dream you have, and if that may not mean much, know the gods are there. I don't know why life is so hard, but you are strong enough to face it. Yea I find reiki is sometimes the only thing that works. Im tired of explaining my story to people, or trying to fix the pain. You are 100% correct, when you have the emotional and physical energy you CAN talk yourself into anything. But it's ok to have some pity for ourselves when we dont have that energy. Life happens and it can hurt, and sometimes it takes time to let it go too. I think because we'e gone through so much, over time, the littlest thing can feel like the sky is falling. I dont have the answers, but we keep going. Allow yourself to be distracted with the right things, the things that keep your life moving forward. Im sort of writing this in a dissociated state so I apologize I couldnt fully respond. But I'm sending you as many wishes for your success as possible. Just get clear on what your goal is.

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Littlesis7's picture
(28425)
Mar 23

@Blueberries1234 thanks bberry, fully appreciated, no apologies needed! True, I've been working on less focusing on problems, more focus on solutions and just accepting certain trauma is there and it's triggers are something to keep aware of but that I don't have to be a slave to that emotional pain.
Today is another day. I've woken up, allowed to have breath, life...I'm grateful as many wake up to a lot of worse situations.
I hope things go smoother for you than expected today!

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