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Is his response manipulative? I messaged his ex to confirm h

Blueberries1234's picture
[23320]

Is his response manipulative? I messaged his ex to confirm his claims because my bf and I have no contacts in common, in a 5 y relationship. I asked her two things "did he ever hit you (No) and was he compassionate towards you"? (Said he was sweet and that she wish she had treated him better). I then was transparent and gave him screenshots of the whole conversation which was extremely civil.

His response:
"Well I am upset that you once again breached through my personal life and space. And yeah things are messed up. You simply dont get that I dont like using facebook. Im not hiding you, i just dont see the point of having one. If having a facebook that says we are in a relationship really means that much to you, then something is wrong. That should not be such a huge thing. And I didnt tell you I talked to my ex one day because she was with zach and they saw me crossing the street. I didnt tell you because you would get jealous and tell me to leave you for her and all that crap. Seriously. And yes, I Told her I was planning on moving there to be with you. Youre not a secret from anyone. Anyways, when it comes to our relationship I Feel I Cant handle much more of getting hurt. I watched the narcissist video stuff you sent me. And I understood how what he was talking about is how you tend to be. A people pleaser and you explode. The Problem is when I put forth the effort and give back, you dont want it. You say you want my love and when you get if you say its fake. So of course my reaction over time is to give you less because when i give it to you and you say its fake it hurts me a lot. So Why would I do something that I know will lead to me getting hurt? Im not happy with just emails. And yes, I am very busy and overwhelmed. Im tired of getting excited to talk with you and instantly getting my heart broken because you act so meh towards me when we are talking. I can never give you enough love despite giving you all i got. And I feel like you dont like me anymore. It feels that way quite a bit. Sigh. Anyway I am really tired so i am going to sleep. I hope you are asleep right now and not up overthinking things. I want you to be okay. Goodnight xoxo "

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Blueberries1234's picture
[23320]
Mar 11

@NowGo your analogy of being pushed off the stage is sooooo accurate. It's like getting attention when he has time to talk and think about any one else's problems. But I mean we were willing participants. I always felt put on a shelf, until he wanted to bother with me. Usually to talk about his life and vent. Oh well.

He had 6 guy friends on his facebook account. And didnt want to friend me yes. He did when i forced him, it was a huge thing. Eventually i just unfriended him because i felt like I was given something he didnt want to give me.

I think they love to make you feel off balance. They sometimes dont even do anythjng... it's just to enjoy you being jealous or needing them. It gives them a feeling of being important. Oh well. Done with mind games! Onwards.

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[1105]
Mar 15

@Blueberries1234 whether he is a narc or not if all your contact with him makes you feel bad you need to do what is best for you. If you really need to know if he is a narc stop emailing him. If he really wwants to breakup and focus on him then he will stop emailing u too. If he is a narc the hoovering will begin so brace yourself.

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Blueberries1234's picture
[23320]
Mar 15

@Echo80 Thats a really good idea... i guess I havent stopped because Im worried about him. Just want to make sure he wont hurt himself. But you're right. I need to stop replying.

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