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I feel so alone, and a kind of hate and impersonal bitternes

Blueberries1234's picture
[28495]

I feel so alone, and a kind of hate and impersonal bitterness towards everyone I know. All the people who i thought cared really drifted away from me. My mother boyfriend sister friend (she got a boyfriend and is too busy to care about me at all). I told my ex that I dont feel anxious anymore, just feel dread coming home to my family because i dont give a **** anymore since now i only have myself. I just feel pain, and hurt. Anger. HATE. I feel hate. I want to run so far away from my family, and just crawl into a hole and die. I want my mother's complaining and anger and frustration to go away. I wont care if everyone died. I dont want them to, I just want to be free, maybe I just want to be dead. Maybe Im just back to wishing I didnt exist or have to try anymore. The mental gymnastics the pain the hope that someone would love me. Sure i could love myself. I feel like such a hypocrite. I always reach out to my boyfriend. My ex i mean. Why ??? Because espite EVERYTHING he is the only one who even slightly bothers. At least he responds to my email. He's the only one i open ip to and i dont even know why.

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[1645]
Apr 16

I'm so sorry you are hurting! Family is tough some times! Being open to love is vulnerable and there will be times of hurt and sorrow. Feelings come and go, but love is a choice. Acting in love to others when we don't feel it either for or from them is tough and sacrificial. Hang in there, they will come around again, this too shall pass. Prayers lifted for you. =) Are you or family in counseling? If not, I do man churches have free counselors and would be happy to help. Stress is tough to relationships too! When I am stressed I take magnesium and ginseng to calm my body, mind and soul. They also get rid of those sticky negative thoughts and feelings that get me down. Yes, they really work. God has given us many things to help us on this earth. Also, I get outside, breathe deep in God's creation, touch the earth and look at the stars. That helps me remember the bigness of life and the constant faithfulness of it all. Hope this helps and life gets good again, and it will. =)

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Blueberries1234's picture
[28495]
Apr 16

Thanks :) I think I just need to ride the wave for now.

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Blueberries1234's picture
[28495]
Apr 16

It's so cliche but i feel like this pain will never end. Im in crisis myself.

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