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So my husband and i spoke today about how we were both feeli

So my husband and i spoke today about how we were both feeling. We are both confused...not 100% sure what we want.

Is it crazy for me to drag it out? He thinks we should still stay married but live separate lives. Does that mean we can date? If thats the case i would just rather get the divorce.

I am just entirely confused. He said if we decided to divorce he wanted it to be a mutual decision. Then asked if i wanted one and if i did he could take it because he was a "big boy". Sounds to me like he wants one but he wants me to be the one who actually says it...thoughts?

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dtay's picture
[8055]
Dec 13

My STBXH is talking about money now. He sent me an e-mail which really insulted me. He is 10 years older than me and says that if I file for divorce I won't get his pension and if I don't want the money I should stay married to him but he will give me all the freedom I want. However, what I wanted would not have cost him a dime - just some quality time together, but he is so wrapped up in his own little world that he shuts me out. I'm worried now, that I might have a fight on my hands because he hasn't mentioned anything about a settlement. Can I ask you good people for your advice and thoughts. I'm still angry that he has left the emotional issues unresolved.

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kelly72's picture
[60590]
Dec 13

@dtay It sounds to me like an attorney has told him he's going to lose something to you no matter what he does and he's trying to manipulate you back so he doesn't have to give it up. He wants to get to you first before you tell an attorney about this. That little promise in there just drips of evil and deceit. Your attorney is your key here. I don't know where you are, your finances or the type of pension he has. This will depend on a lot of things here so a good attorney is vital. In some situations and states the property and settlements cannot be manipulated much because there's a set 50/50 rule no matter so good legal help is needed to make sure you don't get screwed over. Now......let's get to the real meat of this post....O-M-G.....he is so manipulating, cruel and dishonest. What a POS! First of all, don't speak with him at all. Let your attorney do it. Just him giving you his devilish ultimatum shows he thinks he's God. And.....the emotional issues unresolved....they always will be. Drop them. I'm sorry for that but when you realize that no matter how long you go, how hard you worked to resolve and try, and no matter what he does they will never be resolved. There is no closure with a narc. Not ever. You have to get through your divorce and go no contact. You'll get your closure from that. Narc Free is wonderful!

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kelly72's picture
[60590]
Dec 13

@dtay You're so right and he looks at you as you are the problem because he doesn't have a single clue of what a real relationship or even real love feels like. As long as the marriage was about him I'm sure it was sufficient. Good luck with your attorney. Brighter days are ahead for you!

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