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Today is weird. Was on snapchat and became jealous over a gi

PeppermintSunrise's picture
[17050]

Today is weird. Was on snapchat and became jealous over a girl I went to high school with. She looks so cool, seems to have ppl who at least love her, her clothes are nice... she goes out, has friends, has a job, can drive. Shes a bit younger than me. Why cant I just get it together... this thing feels endless, trying to try feels like suffering and I always feel like secretly ppl do not like me. I want to have some of what I want to if only I knew how to get it. Sometimes I'm still in disbelief that I still even live here with the narc. Once I realized how bad I was being treated, waking up here became harder and harder. My mind and body knows I shouldn't be in a place that's dangerous to my life and it is dangerous. my brain hurts, my nerves twitch, I feel like I'm dying all the time. I try to leave but all I wanna do is sleep. It feels like I've been drugged emotionally and mentally and now o just cant think right. The sleep deprivation is definitely there, that could be why I feel this way. Feels like my brain is burning sometimes.

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amyyyyy's picture
[485]
May 23

Try this time without thinking of what other ppl have. I know it’s hard but once you start looking at yourself deeply you are gonna ignore the world and create the new you

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[331590]
May 23

I agree that it's a good idea to ignore where other people are with their situation. We are each unique, with different weaknesses and strengths and life challenges. The girl you describe may have other issues you know nothing about. She also may have had more support than you. I'm so sorry you're facing all of this. Please know you're beautiful in God's eyes and try to see yourself that way. The way I see you is you're able to work, cook, clean, and care for yourself without your mother. It just seems your finances are a bit of a hindrance at this point. Lots of younger people have quite a challenge leaving home financially these days. Have you talked with your therapist about maybe seeing if you could get disability because of your needing therapy? It would be so great if you didn't need your mother financially and could leave because then you'd have the chance to breathe and maybe catch up where you want to be.

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PeppermintSunrise's picture
[17050]
May 23

@Scat I'm sure she did have more support. And it's ok.

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