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Funny how these comment screens come up with the question "h

Funny how these comment screens come up with the question "how are you?" Well today I would say don't ask. My Mom is in a Skilled Nursing Facility for (I guess at this point) mild dementia and her steadiness on her feet. This is a permanent transition. She is NOT always happy about it. Today is one of those days where she is NOT HAPPY AT ALL. Although I realize I have no control over someone else's happiness or what they think. I am the only one she has - immediate family wise. Listening to her sometimes or seeing what she does is heartbreaking. I have been there most everyday since she went into this facility. She has been there since January 14th. She first went in for rehabilitation due to a possible fall. But just the way things have been going, I KNOW she can no longer be alone. I am trying to find support groups that I can go to, but unfortunately I see many of them are during the day. Well - what about the working people like myself?

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zee4ward's picture
16 hours ago

@kvolm2016 Welcome to our little group. It is extremely exhausting. Especially if you are the only immediate family member. I love her dearly and she is not all there unfortunately. She misses her freedom and independence immensely. Meanwhile I never know if I am dealing with her or a shell of her former self. Believe it or not she was more annoyed at home. Even though there are times she still speaks of going home, I think being home - she was overwhelmed. I admittedly miss her being at home but at the same time, I don't.

I went to an Alzheimer's seminar which also covers dementia. Grabbed as much reading material as I could. One good book they had was Leeza Gibbons book "take your oxygen first" a great tool for caregivers and family members.

zee4ward's picture
15 hours ago

@kvolm2016 Mom has only been in this Skilled Nursing Facility since January but I have to say looking back on several things over the years, this has been a long time coming. Since she was always a private person, and independent to a fault, she is also not a doctor person. Never wanted to go period let alone to specialists. About 5 years ago or so, I was noticing some unusual behavior so I secretly called her primary care doctor (wonderful man) and told him of my concerns. He wrote up a referral for her for a certain nearby neurologist. Turns out it was the same one my Aunt, her sister whom she loved very much, went to. Once I came home and told her the name of this particular doctor - she had a fit! She is NOT going this is the same doctor who stuck my Aunt with a huge needle (they did a spinal tap and found out she had early Alzheimer's. Even though they are sisters my Mom and my Aunt were on different symptoms entirely. In any case back to my Mom, she definitely did not want to get checked out. So what do you do as an adult? After all this is a woman who worked all her life to support herself and her daughter. She & my Father were divorced when divorce was not at all well known as it is today. So many times she really left me no choice in her personal matters. Strong will and stubborn. So time went on and I rolled with it. My Aunt on the other hand was a doctor person. She would go and get checked out regularly. In fact at age 82 almost 83 my Mom is on 3 prescriptions. Just 3! Most people in our area at her age are on many. This last episode I knew that was it. She could not be independent anymore. She needed full time care. So there are many things I might have done differently had I really known what was to come to pass.

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Anella's picture
34 minutes ago

@zee4ward You're doing an excellent job. As was mentioned before, you simply must take time for yourself so you don't burn out. I absolutely love @baabaa's dual list. I wish I had this years ago. Your mom may be in a SNF but you are still involved in caring for her 100%. You are correct about letting the skilled personnel at the facility take care of her day-to-day needs. This allows you to focus on enjoying the time you have with her on those "clear" days and taking care of yourself. I've read some excellent articles about avoiding the pitfalls of being a care provider and how to be a successful care provider while providing good care for yourself. Just let me know and I'll share the links. I also agree with the thought that many times typing our thoughts out really helps before anyone responds. The good thing is you get responses as well. :) Keep in touch. I'm here for you.


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