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I just ate 48 pop tarts and whole bunch of other junk food.

I just ate a whole bunch of pop tarts and other junk foods. I purged as I was eating all this food. There are times when I don't purge for a day or two, but then go back with binging and purging. I used to purge about 5 - 10 times per day, everyday. This became 2 -3 times per day, every other day. I have a long way to go, but I hope I'm getting somewhere. There was a streak where I didn't purge for 4 days straight, which was a miracle for someone who has been purging every single day. I think that is when I started to purge less.
I have a major bulimia issue, but currently, I am trying to reflect on myself and go to the gym few times a week. I just checked up on the risks and the long term risks of bulimia, and that actually helped me consider about my disorder. I don't know if that is enough for me to stop purging from tomorrow, but what I feel now is that I want to keep the risks in mind, and to understand that what I am doing now can affect me from 7 years from now.

Mar 16

Hi! That is great progress and you should be happy with yourself for it! What helped me a lot in ditching bulimia forever was getting comfortable with the basic root cause of it: getting fat. Bulimia happens when you think you can never accept the idea of gaining a bit of weight. But once you face this fear and this possibility and tell yourself that "yes, if I stop purging, I may gain some weight initially but in long term, it will actually bring my weight down and I can be as successful and energetic as I want" and slowly, your desire to purge becomes less by itself (no forcing required thus) and with that, comes a sense of satiety that significantly reduces your urge to binge. It is a very scary move, but I think it is completely necessary. So face you Hydra! Think of this challenge as something fun and when you finally face your fear, you are a true hero!

Mar 21

Also, when I had an eating disorder back in the day, I didn't realize it at the time but I was numbing out my feelings.. at first it was about getting that "perfect body" but the before I realized it, I used it to numb out my feelings... if I was sad I ate, happy I ate, pissed I ate, scared I ate.... it was all consuming. Thankfully I surrendered myself to God and his peace poured into my heart which helped me find my self worth, value and learn that my "feelings" we OK and a good thing and that I am supposed to and allowed to feel what I am feeling. I pray for inner peace for you. Also, I am now forty and dealing with several autoimmune issues... not sure if it was the self destruction that I put myself through earlier on but although I ate relatively healthy and kept my stress relatively low and kept things stable the last 20 years... I do have major health complications now. So I think the main point is, what we do today does affect our tomorrow.


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