Hello...first time posting in any kind of group like this. I
Hello...first time posting in any kind of group like this. I've been dealing with bulimia for on and off, mostly on for over 10 years. Started in high school, I was never really popular but people thought I was nice. Was never that athletic or pretty so never really had dates to dances or boyfriends. Started to feel that it must be my looks and body so I began the purging cycle. After high school I lost my fiance in a horrible drunk driving accident and became an insomniac and began purging even more...eventually was able to wear girls clothes. Finally moved away and began a new life but was looking for a relationship, began purging again to fit in with the beautiful beach bodies that surrounded me. Eventually met my now husband, we've been together 9 years and married 5. I recently told him about 2 months ago about my purging. He is supportive and wants to help but he doesn't really get the whole picture. I hate to be cliche but he doesn't get the woman mentality. I'm joining this group as a way to talk to others and for others to hear my story and struggle do maybe I can find the strength to stop this.
I used to believe that if I would lose X number of pounds or if only I could fit into X size, I would be attractive and happy. But every time I got there, it was never enough. I was just as miserable as I was before, basically I was a hangry B*** that no one really wanted to be around. I feel attractive now because my spirit is beautiful. Honestly looking at old pictures of myself, I think I look sick.