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Day 12....I have got to through my scale away. The numbers

Day 12....I have got to through my scale away. The numbers from the past don't count do they? They weren't really my weight if I was using laxatives, b/p, excersing 2-3 hours a day. That isn't they way most people stay at their weight is it? I have been running, skiing or visiting the gym everyday but to be honest I am tired of working out, trying so hard to be this ideal number when the truth is I have only reached that I deal number very few times in my adult life. How do I shift the mindset to accept where I am now, to realize that it is okay to not workout everyday, starve myself, then b/p use laxatives then repeat the process. Letting go of this habit is so difficutlt because it has been a part of my identity for 26 years. However, I am ready, I don't want to be the bulimic anymore, I don't want to run away from my feelings, to stuff them down and then throw them up, I want to live my life now. I am ready to feel again.

Mar 18

I understand where you're coming from. I've been in recovery for about 3 years. I was throwing up for a majority of my life too. But what's good is that you're tired of it. That's definitely what motivated me to stop. Of course you might have relapse days but focus on the goal. You want to be better and I think you can. I believe in you.

Crossroads2384's picture
Mar 18

You can feel and you will live. You are extremely courageous for this knowing and it is what is true. Feeling is so much more meaningful and fruitful. You are not alone. I see light in the broken glass of darkness in your post. You know your truth and you can truly live a meaniful life, and it is a worthy goal.


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