Thinking about what happens after I die. I don't want no dam

TRIGGER or something ?

Thinking about what happens after I die. I don't want no damned afterlife. Don't need to see the pain I have wrought upon my family.

How f'd up is that ? The only thing keeping me alive is not wanting to hurt people around me. But people don't care that much anyway, because people, unlike me, move on.

When I wake up in the morning I try to sleep longer. I know that if I get up, the misery is going to begin.
When the only thing you have to do in your day is to lift weights for 30 minutes, is there a reason to live ?
When the only activity you can think of for the rest of the day is spending money and overeating, is it such a bad thing to want to die ?

When your "best friend" doesn't even take the time to read the sht you have on your mind ?
When the girl you love cares so little that she actually forgets to respond, because she's busy arguing with her boyfriend ?
When you are unable to start a relationship, even if you love the "victim" ?

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[190]
Jul 15

Hi, my daughter has BPD and for the past 8 years she has pushed herself to make her life better, yes she has episodes, really bad ones at times and it all comes out, " i dont want to live anymore, whats the paoing, i have so much anger hatred low self esteem and guilt is what she tells me.
She loves animals so about a year ago we went into our local SPCA and put her name down for volenteer work a few days awee, there was a waiting list and it took a few months before she got a phone call asking for her help. It has given her a reason to get up every morning, she enjoys being with the animals, well she got offered a permanent position there, we were thrilled But in the space of a week her whole life completely changed which she struggled and still is struggling with, my point is find something you love to do and do it. She has now enrolled to do an Animal Inspectors course so she can make a difference to suffering animals, she still struggles every day, but i am so proud of her, she wears a mask if you know what i mean , dying inside but looks ok on the outside but shes doing it, life can only get better for you all if you dont give up hope, ill never give up on her XXX

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[3020]
Jul 17

@bernadettes916 Thank you. I totally know what you mean with that mask. Have had one for so long, actually had it tattooed on my arm as an act of taking it off my face.

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