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Scared, confused, trying to understand my personality disord

Scared, confused, trying to understand my personality disorder, borderline. Being diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago and being on meds for 20 years never ever made a difference. Now I know and agree with all of the aspects of borderline personality disorder and I realize it is due to the horrific trauma I suffered as a child and in the last 17 years of my marriage. Just trying to deal, see my therapist tomorrow.

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Trina19's picture
[380]
Aug 15

Journaling bugs me, too. I guess because I feel exposed. It's satisfying to destroy the paper right after I'm done writing. That in itself is kind of therapeutic. I'm new to this self-soothing but I'm determined to feel better!

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[485]
Aug 15

haha Trina --me and you seem very similar, from your posts! :) I had filled up a journal and just burned it the other day and THAT was amazing. Watching the notebook disappear in to ashes was very comforting and the fact that i know no one will be able to read my actual inner thoughts or about my past was a huge relief. One of my biggest issues with journaling is the fear that someone will read it at some point and find out how i really think or about things that have happened to me in the past, i work so hard on the facade it would be a shame to be my own undoing!

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Trina19's picture
[380]
Aug 17

@cidhighwind
LOL we do sound similar. I've always felt this way about journaling. I've tried to journal off and on for years but I always am so afraid someone will read it. The best solution for me is to write a page and then immediately shred it in the shredder. :) Best of both worlds I guess. Yes, we work so hard to hide how we really feel and then to reveal it in a journal is just awful to think about!

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