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Our problems are totally different, they may sometimes seem

Our problems are totally different, they may sometimes seem like yours, but they are different. Mentally abled people just take us for granted! You couldn't even do this? What's so difficult about that? I am so sick of listening to people telling me what is wrong and what is right for me! They don't know what it's like in my head, how I wake up in the middle of the night, having just dreamt of rape, murder, suicide. I am constantly looking for someone to understand me, someone to connect with, someone who will be there even for just a day! It's so lonely in here in my head, I want companionship too, I want someone to understand me for who I am and not for this exterior I have to put up in order to seem sane. What's so wrong being insane? Who came up the rules anyway? I have tried to be sane and normal, it just makes me even more lonely. I just find myself surrounded by humans who have no idea what it's like to be me. I can't take this anymore, well may be I can, but I don't want to, I really don't want to. The sheer pain of being the one who is never understood is eating away my insides, and I am just too exhausted to do anything about it!! Someone please come say hi to me! Is there anybody out there? Can you hear me? Am I doomed? Knock knock, someone? please!

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View 3 More Comments
Nov 27

I have found other people who don't know how to live life sanely in Alcoholics Anonymous and the food/sugar addiction program I try and follow -- especially people who have multiple addictions, they seem to understand where I'm coming from. I find I am not alone, if I share my truth, which is very scary to do.

It's harder to find places where people who only suffer from mental health challenges gather, I don't have a place like that, and since I and most of the people with mental illnesses have used various substances, I find people in 12 step rooms who I can relate to and who can relate to me.

I used alcohol in the past and just recently stopped all benzodiazapines, which I was using to manage my mental illness (depression anxiety and BPD, resulting in severe insomnia.)

It's in my nature to isolate, which is a vicious cycle of loneliness. It's a struggle to act differently. I'm struggling to act differently now.

Anyone with BPD and addictive behaviors, trying to change, feel free to reply!

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RainbowChard's picture
Nov 29

Between 1.6% and 2.7% of those living in the U.S. have BPD. Doing rough math, the US population is 329,968,629, so that works out to between 5 and 9 million others in the US with BPD. We are definitely not alone. If you find yourself being invalidated by those around you, there are people here who share some of your experience, and there are other very good websites now, as well, that offer insight into treatment options, peer and professional support, and generally helpful ideas. We don't have to continue to suffer. Truly, there are many good pathways to recovery and lots of good reasons for hope. <3

Dec 2

I don't want to be the negative nelly, but what are the reasons for hope?


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