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Living life with bpd is so strange and tough. It's as if no

Living life with bpd is so strange and tough. It's as if no one understands your feelings or the intensity behind your emotions. I know my emotions are not so called normal, my reaction are much more emotional then necessary and my mood swings are erratic. The more I try to control it or think before I react it doesn't seem to work. My mind takes me above and beyond what is considered normal...... I know I'm different, I feel that this could be a gift because who can love so deeply. No one really experiences love in this way so it can be a blessing, yet it is also a curse because when I am hurt, betrayed or let down the pain causes me to instantly go to extremes. I have attempted suicide, literally on my death bed and though I should be happy and appreciate life more now I can not get away from the pain or thoughts that I do not belong in this life. It is so hard because I want to love life and those around me but i feel more threatened and afraid to let my guard down ever since I was betrayed. I'm lost... I use to be optimistic now I find myself lacking happiness and I am not sure where to go from here, or where to start regaining the joys of life.

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heath_minusly's picture
[4205]
Apr 16

@Susquehanna07 Thank you!

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[910]
Apr 16

I was literally just responding to another post here with the same message. Other people don't understand BPD...it's difficult because I feel really alone sometimes. I think maybe I do this subconsciously, push people away so that I don't have to worry about anyone else. Not that I don't want to, but I can barely keep track of my own life and emotions, I can't be responsible for how others feel. My family doesn't understand the BPD,they think it's just an excuse, so I choose not to speak to them very often, they are toxic. If someone I love had a certain illness whether mental or physical, I'd research that **** until I passed out from exhaustion, to understand them. When my mom had a heart attack I researched everything that she told me the doctors said. Because I care. But I can't get anybody to listen to me about my BPD or even care. They all act like it's all my choice and they don't believe it's an actual problem. It gets really lonely

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Cramos83's picture
[135]
Apr 17

Hi Missjamie,
I experience that as well. I'm always told since I know I have bpd that it should be easy to control as if there is an off switch. I wish there was then ii wouldn't have to feel this way constantly. It's crazy, my husband's says that knowing I have bpd should allow me to stop and think and react differently. He says he is suffering from my mood swings but he doesn't seem to uhh nderstand how difficult and exhausting it is for me. I am here if you ever want to talk.

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