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I've been going through some struggles and feeling more symp

RainbowChard's picture
[9650]

I've been going through some struggles and feeling more symptomatic than usual. I'm grateful for all of the mental health resources I have right now, but the honestly the biggest help has been knowing how to be kind to myself, which took a lot of practice to learn. When my anxiety is high, I still want to be unkind to myself, but I recognize that it's an ineffective defense against feeling unsafe and instead do my best to ease my feelings. This morning, I went for a drive (and got a traffic ticket in the process), then realized I hadn't taken my meds, so came home and did that - now I'm checking in here, then going to a medical appointment. I'm expected at the mental health clubhouse today ( www.independencecenter.org ) to help with a project, and this evening I'm scheduled to go to an ICE rapid response training (to learn to assist people who are being detained and their families). Not sure if I will actually go anywhere but home after my medical appointment, but a rough morning doesn't mean that my day can't improve. This too shall pass. <3 May you be safe, happy, well, and at peace today. May you be free from suffering.

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Round3's picture
[44415]
Sep 10

Thank you so much for this post. I love how you didn't dwell on the ticket and didn't use it as an excuse to stay home and be angry all day. Instead, you are regrounding and carrying on with the plan. All the while, accept that you may not get everything done today and giving yourself permission to not push yourself past your limits. You have much to be proud of.

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Maria40m's picture
[14720]
Sep 10

Ditto RainbowChard...it as taken all my life for me to be kind to myself and I still struggle with it feeling weird & total out of my comfort zone but atleast we have had a taste of what most people take for granted ..... here’s to many more !! As we get older our priorities change and we Mello on somethings but get worse on others .....we seem to work harder on the things which help give us a better quality of life rather than letting the world grind us down...maybe we are so tired of fighting our demons we now work with them... keep the good work up ... you are the winner.

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RainbowChard's picture
[9650]
Sep 11

[TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide] Thank you both for the support. I coped yesterday by staying at home in the afternoon and making concrete, time-bound plans for myself - education, work, and so on - and then forced myself to attend the ICE Rapid Response training in the evening (which brought up a lot of rage). Kept my therapy appointment today, then came home and worked on a time-consuming household project (going through my books). I recently had to draw a hard boundary with someone, and it brought up some old stuffed feelings from a lengthy abusive relationship with someone narcissistic. So that's why I'm muddled at the moment. I was able to truthfully tell my therapist today that I'm safe and that it's okay for me to just sit with these feelings, even though I'm really uncomfortable. And, it's a year since my last suicide attempt, so that brings up some reflections. Last summer, I was of the opinion that if I hadn't made major progress by this summer, I was done with therapy and done with living. I haven't made as much progress as I would have liked, but I know that every little bit of work I do creates positive momentum and little bits of healing, which over time have added up and continue to add up. That awareness in and of itself is progress. So I'm grateful to still be here, and grateful, looking back at that terrible relationship from the past, that I've reached a point where I love and respect myself enough to set and keep boundaries in relationships, and am committed to the long term process of healing and growth. Wishing you a safe, peaceful, healthy, and happy night.

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