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I havn't been in here for two years.. But I guess it's that

I havn't been in here for two years.. But I guess it's that time again.
My BDP got so much better for awhile and now suddenly after two years im suicidale again.
I've started dating after 11 years with my fiance.
It hurts so bad to try to fall for someone.

Ive been doing so great at home on my own.
Now I kinda have guy living there, all we do is fight because he can't stand the way I live my life.
And he can't understand the bpd.
Sometimes i want to mean on purpose just to create a fight. Because I love the feeling of empowerment.
He gets weak and cries or walks away where I feel like a total winner :D :D

Which is not good at all I know.
I also slept with my ex fiance because I still f'king love him so much.
the sex ment nothing to him btw.
Cause he says he doesnt have any feelings for me anymore. It was a favor to me ..

I rage more every day, started being mean to people again, Im suddenly going backwards from all the process ive been doing.

Starting to see a new pzycatrist tomorrow. I hope that will help

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norseduncan's picture
Sep 13

I hope it ill help too. as well as being back here. please keep us posted?

kisobel's picture
Sep 18

Welcome back @Loverly. How did it you with the new psychiatrist?


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