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I have been alone for a long time, with no friends, or famil

susan28's picture
[70]

I have been alone for a long time, with no friends, or family that either can't or won't understand me. The only people in the world that seems to care about me, are my 3 children. I internalize everything I feel, trying to be a normal mother for them, so I don't screw up their mental health. So, I can't exactly talk to them about what or how I'm feeling. Because of her schedule, I only get to see my therapist every 3 weeks. There is only so much that I can bottle up and hold in. I feel something terrible bubbling up to the surface, and it is giving me anxiety and a whole lot of fear about who I'm going to hurt next.

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 2
[965]
Jan 10

Hi...apologies for you having to wait so long for a reply. Did you have friends before? How old are your children if i may ask? Keeping everything bottled up inside must be very draining? Have you tried expressive writing? I may be wron but sometimes telling your children how you are feeling and with a suitable why in their terms may actually help them and you understand each other better. Children are very perceptive. Can't you maybe communicate with your therapist by email inbetween? You are welcome to share with me a bit about the feelings and thoughts that is filling the space and keeping you up. In what ways can you channel what you are experiencing away from someone to something...like maybe art or just hitting a ball or something(s) acceptable that would suit you?

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Maria40m's picture
[10535]
Jan 11

I couldn’t have wrote that better myself....I’m a devoted mother of 2...I have got a few friends but I don’t discuss my feelings or thoughts with them and I’m so exhausted to socialise because of the mask i wear to stop my children seeing the ugly side to me...I to don’t want to screw my family up mental but over the years my children who adore me have realised there’s something not right ( my children are aged 22 & 18 ) I’ve hinted about some traits I have which I’m sorry for but I’ve never told them I’m bpd and bio polar but I sure they no ....The best therapy I’ve found is a fur baby lol ....up until 20 months ago I couldn’t bear touching a dog let alone having 1 in my house....now my fur boy is my sole mate ...he’s the 1 I go for walks with...he’s the 1 I sit and cry to..he’s the 1 that never triggers me....that’s the power of animals the best medication I’ve ever been given ....It’s not just people who can help ... it can be the least expected ..phew I didn’t expect to write all that :)

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