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I feel so empty. I feel like I’ve lost everyone close to m

I feel so empty. I feel like I’ve lost everyone close to me. I don’t blame them though, I’m not an easy person. My irritability and mood swings and horrible. My anxiety makes me unsocialable when I’m with people. My php program won’t give me the proper meds so I’m currently just on my depression medication my primary doctor prescribed me, which helps, but it doesn’t help me with the episodes I have when someone close to me abondands me. I feel so helpless. I’m just a bourden to all of my friends and family.

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LikeMinds's picture
[3270]
Jun 13

Hi, @krissyxxx. Please remember that all of us who are here feel things 10x more intensely than "normal" people. (Is anyone REALLY normal?). I have been working hard on my emotion regulation for that very reason. At work a situation occurred. To me, a person obviously made a callous and unprofessional decision that affected the entire group. Most in the group rolled their eyes and shrugged their shoulders. Then they walked away and forgot about it. Me? My blood pressure rose to 1000/450 (just kidding). I couldn't let it go. My displeasure showed all over my face. The guilty person misperceived my reaction as "aggression" toward her, although I didn't touch her and I barely said anything. (My suspicion is that she has the same problem you and I do. She can't control her emotions and reactions. She, too, fears abandonment worse than death!). In any case, I have sat around for weeks ruminating on how much of a failure I am and how I am a burden to all who know me. Guess what those who know about the situation think? Their reaction is, "What?!? You're not a burden to me at all! Slow the emotion train down! You've just leapt from 10 mph to 100 mph while the rest of us stopped on 15 mph." Like you, because of my wild swings of emotion, I feel alone, misunderstood, and worthless most of the time. Please hang in there, @krissyxxx.

LikeMinds

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RainbowChard's picture
[4965]
Jun 14

Sorry you're hurting so much right now and not getting the support you'd like from your medical provider. What can you do to be kind to yourself as you get through this?

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LikeMinds's picture
[3270]
Jun 14

How are you today, @krissyxxx?

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