I am so terribly jealous of my crush.. since we talk more o

Ivory's picture

I am so terribly jealous of my crush..
since we talk more often again
every second day i check his fb - recently added friends and scroll thru all their pictures and comments
and when they don't replay i keep refreshing page for hours
If i see some little thing that triggers me , that they don't "love" me, i start thinking suicidal thoughts and that my life and i- we are useless.
It is getting out of hands..
I'm so easily irritated..

Nov 13

*hugs* I feel very sorry for what you are going through. Having these feelings of despair certainly isn't a nice thing to go through.

To me it really sounds as if you are extremely in love with your crush, and that you are in a unhealthy emotional co-dependency situation. What is happening to you, has also happened to me long time ago. Was completely head over heels in love with my crush, and I was seven days behind my computer just crying in agony and waiting for a reply. I was lucky to have a good friend to support me at the time. She pointed out that the person was lying to me. (i myself was so in love i didn't even notice). I was already knotting the rope in an attempt to hang myself. When i was busy though, i thought to myself "this is the easy way out, this is NOT the way how to solve your problems.

I learned the "HARD" way that you should NOT put your emotions into the hands of people that they don't belong into. If you do that, you just become an emotional soccer ball for others to play with.

The person that I was in love with,who'd id give my life for , ended up being a pathological liar. I dumped that person. And started realizing how wrong it was what i did. I realized i gave control over my life away to someone who didn't love me, and i realized i needed to bring the power of my life back into the place where it belongs, namely into my own hands.

No matter how beautiful ,wonderful, amazing or how much you are in love with etc etc another person. It does not mean you should let yourself be treated as a doormat, that you should stop disrespecting yourself, that there are no boundaries , that you should neglect yourself, or that you should stop loving yourself, or allow that person to do bad stuff to you.

They say that before you can love others you first need to learn to love yourself. Because you deserve only the very best. And if you don't understand this, then you risk it that other people can do horrible things to you, and you let them, because you don't respect and love yourself enough to stop it from happening.

You ALSO have value, you ALSO have worth.

I had to come to my senses, i had to discover and learn the core, which is that you need to primarily be your own supporting pillar in life. Because when you find yourself all alone, if you don't love and support yourself, who will? You need to consider yourself as the sun, and the planets around you as the people close to you. Some are closer, some are further away, some come , some leave, but you will always be stuck with yourself. If you think about it like that, you'll understand that everyone is just a guest in your life. They will come, and they will leave, and one day you will have to leave yourself.

You can only love someone, you cannot hold them prisoner. What i mean by that is that you have to let them go, in the sense that you cannot hold someone hostage , nor should you allow yourself to be taken hostage by them.

Reality is that a partner can pack their bags and leave any day. For this reason it's important to have a life of your own to fall back on. Because if you don't , then you risk the danger of falling for the trap and emotional hurt that emotional co-dependency brings with it. So i would highly advice you to stop obsessing over him, and instead of looking at how the grass is greener at your neighbor, tend to your own brown grass that you have left to rot. Stop neglecting yourself, and take control of your own life.

I had to pick up all the broken pieces of my heart, glue them back together , heal from my emotional pain, and move on. I hope therefore that you value my life lessons as i almost had to pay for them with my life to receive them.

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Ivory's picture
Nov 14

@nafta thank you very much, i really needed this.. :) I know i should stop. I found out he has a civil wife and daughter. I should just say no. I felt really broken few days ago. Now i am trying to get back on feet. Isn't easy. I don't trust myself in setting boundaries and it scares me and is sad. I told him i know this, but he just ignored that and replied to another message.. i guess i am with a terrible person? But why and how.. it doesn't seem that terrible.. i see him as a wonderful person with his reasons at the same time feeling so stupid and dirty.. How did i get here... i should have said no in those many times many months before. I have always felt that it isn't good for me but have found reasons to justify him.
And now i am so ashamed. That i can only tell my best friend. I am so ashamed. Of what i let him do to me. I am so ashamed i didn't stop him. And this addiction have continued for so long.. And i am afraid i don't know how to stop it...

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Nov 15

Well, take my advice and see a sex therapist or psychologist. Addictions are very hard. But with the help of a professional therapist and with the support of supportgroups, and of course your own personal energy to stop this behavior, you can end your self destructive behavior and start making healthy choices for your life that benefit you. And will ensure that others do not get hurt by making constructive rather then destructive choices. A possible choice for a therapist you might find here.



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