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Hi. As this is the only place where i am not judged i would

Hi. As this is the only place where i am not judged i would share my feelings here. It always happens with me. I become normal and begin to feel fine then one fine moment if anything triggers me i lost it all. I feel suicidal and everyone hates me. All i can see is things to harm myself. Today i had a little argument with my sister and boyfriend and he said some things that triggered me and i lost it. I self harmed even when i wanted to avoid it and I HAD BEEN AVOIDING SINCE A WHILE NOW. But i did it. I feel vulnerable. I dont know what to do. My medicines dont help me enough. And i miss them and stop taking them i dont know why. My boyfriend said change your nature and your issues. But he does not know how badly i want that too. But i can't. I wish i could change the whole 'pathetic me'. I wish i could end me. I wish i could stop living. But it isnt so easy. Is it? If anyone could suggest me what can i do. Please do. I would owe you my life. I really wanna die. I regret that i exist.

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[1280]
Feb 19

I relate to all the emotions you've related in this post, like thinking everyone hates me and regretting I exist. It sounds like your bf isn't giving you the support you need. It is not simple as "change our issues;" and there are no meds made specifically for BPD (such a shame). I hope he comes around to see your side of things and becomes more supportive because the last thing we need on top of all our struggles is invalidation from others.

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StrangeHarvest's picture
[365]
Feb 20

I can totally relate to what you're feeling, and recently I've been having many days where I just want my life to end because of how much of a failure I think I am. One thing that has been preventing me from hurting myself is this app called Wysa. It's an AI that can work with rethinking your negative thoughts, suggest meditations to help you stay calm or sleep, and has links to the National Suicide Hotline if you really need help. It's available for iOS and Android, it's free, and it's been very beneficial to me lately.

I hope that helps. You are very courageous for sharing this. PM me if you ever need to vent and want someone to listen.

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[1280]
Feb 21

@Noramanj checking back in. How are you?

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