Hey. I'm new here on this site. My therapist recommended it

MelanieKC's picture
[130]

Hey. I'm new here on this site. My therapist recommended it to me. Just some information about me. Ive had anxiety pretty much all my life. I was diagnosed with depression after my dad died about 3 years ago. My dad was everything to me and I'm still learning how to deal with his loss. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder. Being a child of a borderline parent was and is very hard to handle. I hope to learn some things here because I love my mom. I do. I don't want to lose her even though sometimes it feels like she doesn't want me. I want to be more understanding and patient with her and what she's going through but also figure out how to navigate that where it doesn't hurt my mental health . I know its complicated lol I'm open to any advice and I am here if you need me.

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MelanieKC's picture
[130]
Sep 14

I try to. We have the same cycle. We see each other or talk on the phone and those first few encounters go really well and then after some time something happens where I'm being blamed for something Im not doing or didnt happen. At first, especially when I was younger, I would fight back but now that Im more knowledgeable of not only her mental health but mine as well I try and calmly respond or dont respond at all. I think the hardest part though, for me, is even if I feel like I handled the situation well I go home and I'm like, "Did I do this right? Is there a way the situation could have ended better? Maybe it is all my fault. I am a terrible daughter..." As you can imagine with my depression this line of thinking knocks me down for awhile. Thats why I was saying I struggle so much with how to have a healthy relationship. Because internally I understand this is the disorder but my anxiety/ depression dont so I get into this werid internal conflict.
Im sorry I wrote alot there lol I struggle with expressing exactly what im thinking so I babble sometimes.

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kisobel's picture
[181840]
Sep 14

@MelanieKC - You're not babbling at all. It's good to hear how you are feeling and it makes a lot of sense. It must be really hard to deal with your own depression and your mother at the same time. You sound like a very kind and considerate daughter. Hugs!

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AllthesethingsIhavedone's picture
[5935]
Sep 14

@MelanieKC Trying to have a good relationship with your mother when you both have mental health issues is very challenging especially if you are the one who is taking all the responsibility to make it happen. Please be easy on yourself and don't blame yourself for things not going well. It's a tuff situation and the answers aren't always simple. Taking care of your needs is really the best you can do. Anxiety and Depression are hard. That is enough of a load already for one to carry.
Perhaps you and your Mom could someday work together with a therapist so you have someone to work through the issues with you.
You are brave and you are doing all the right things by trying for something better!!

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