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Helpful Tip for those in relationships: I am in a long di

MissArya's picture

Helpful Tip for those in relationships:

I am in a long distance relationships with my boyfriend, we see each other every weekend and things are great when we are together, he makes me very happy and loves me very much...however during the week: the distance and absence adds to my anxiety and fear of abandonment, i come up with the strangest ideas of what he might be doing when i don't hear from him and it is not pleasant. i told him about my diagnosis and he is trying to learn more about it and how to support me...this past weekend he made a video of us together laughing and being happy and said this is a documentary for me to bottle up and play whenever i forget that he loves me and is always there for me....this week he was really busy at work so we didn't get our usual night time calls to catch on the day etc, and that warranted my anxiety and insecurities to be triggered, so he reminded me to watch this video and i did: to be honest it was like looking at a stranger, i couldn't relate to myself in the video when i first started watching cos i was so care free and happy, and i guess this is the problem with "splitting" in BPD. we literally cannot access the files in our minds that hold all the good memories once the anxiety is triggered, however this video helped me a little and i recommend that anyone in this situation records themselves when they are happy with a loved one be it a boyfriend, sister, parent, etc...because when the "splitting" happens we have no control over how we see the other person but looking at yourself in a video hits home much harder compared to someone else just saying "remember i love you"

Hope this helps :)

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MissArya's picture
Dec 2

Hi there, thank you and it is a pleasure to share what I learn with the hope of helping others :)
I did read up on object constancy and had a really traumatic childhood so it is no wonder i am the way i am today...but anyways now that i am old enough and have the knowledge of what is going on i intend to use it to change for the better, even though this change is occurring at a painfully slow speed...
would you tell me more about transference focused therapy please? and thank you for your comment on this post :)

cocopuffski's picture
Dec 4

Wow! What you've said so sounds familiar. That distance is so hard and leaves so much space for stories to be made up in our heads. I think the video is a great idea, but I can imagine it's hard to hold on when in that state.

That idea of not achieving object constancy in childhood is fascinating. Totally applies to my childhood and can clearly be seen in my reactions and feelings now. Thank you for sharing!

MissArya's picture
20 hours ago

Hi Coco, the long distance is vry difficult and i don't recommend those with BPD to get into these relationships, cos it heightens all the fears of abandonment and rejection is difficult to hold onto but i gotta atleast try :) and will try to find other methods until i eventually move to the city he lives in


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