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Helpful Tip for those in relationships: I am in a long di

MissArya's picture

Helpful Tip for those in relationships:

I am in a long distance relationships with my boyfriend, we see each other every weekend and things are great when we are together, he makes me very happy and loves me very much...however during the week: the distance and absence adds to my anxiety and fear of abandonment, i come up with the strangest ideas of what he might be doing when i don't hear from him and it is not pleasant. i told him about my diagnosis and he is trying to learn more about it and how to support me...this past weekend he made a video of us together laughing and being happy and said this is a documentary for me to bottle up and play whenever i forget that he loves me and is always there for me....this week he was really busy at work so we didn't get our usual night time calls to catch on the day etc, and that warranted my anxiety and insecurities to be triggered, so he reminded me to watch this video and i did: to be honest it was like looking at a stranger, i couldn't relate to myself in the video when i first started watching cos i was so care free and happy, and i guess this is the problem with "splitting" in BPD. we literally cannot access the files in our minds that hold all the good memories once the anxiety is triggered, however this video helped me a little and i recommend that anyone in this situation records themselves when they are happy with a loved one be it a boyfriend, sister, parent, etc...because when the "splitting" happens we have no control over how we see the other person but looking at yourself in a video hits home much harder compared to someone else just saying "remember i love you"

Hope this helps :)

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MissArya's picture
Dec 5

Hi Coco, the long distance is vry difficult and i don't recommend those with BPD to get into these relationships, cos it heightens all the fears of abandonment and rejection etc....it is difficult to hold onto but i gotta atleast try :) and will try to find other methods until i eventually move to the city he lives in

cocopuffski's picture
Dec 8

It sounds like you have some good strategies. I’ve been questioning a lot if I could really “do” a long distance thing. I worry I would constantly Iive in fear of what was happening without me around-even with a trustworthy person.

MissArya's picture
Dec 9

@cocopuffski it is soooo difficult omg...if you are already in the situation then try to make it work ofcourse, but if not then you shouldn't willingly put yourself in such a difficult position, trust me it is a living hell :(


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