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Hello, This is my first post. I don’t know where else to t

Hello, This is my first post. I don’t know where else to turn. My husband has BPD. He is 56 and I am 57. We have been married almost 7 years. He pretty much has every textbook symptom. Here’s the catch, he only displays these behaviors with me and on few occasions, in front of our children. He is charming, intelligent and fun loving with everyone else he encounters. No one else is ever subjected to his soul shredding rants and aggression. I have been going to counseling for the past few years because I thought I was the cause of his behavior. (I did not know about BPD then.) He also goes to counseling but he has become “buddies” with his counselor and his BPD behaviors have never surfaced with him. We also started seeing a marriage counselor about 8 months ago. She sees this behavior and has tried very hard to help him see what’s going on. He has become even more agitated and difficult to deal with. After our most recent appointment with her, he said he does not want to go back. He says it’s destroying our marriage. He told me he’s unhappy with me 90% of the time. Now mind you, while we are in the room with the counselor he tells he how wonderful I am, how much he loves me and how bad he is for me. It’s when we leave that all hell breaks loose and he trys every trick in the book to break me down and make me feel as bad as he must feel inside. It’s so sad. I am a very gentle, loving woman but I feel so alone in this. I just need some encouragement and tenderness and understanding. My heart hurts so much. Please feel free to ask any questions. I welcome all feedback. Thank you.

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TheRealJason's picture
Aug 15

Is it your suspicion that he has BPD or has he been formally diagnosed with BPD? It doesn't sound like he's very loving, but I'm not sure if it's Borderline that's making him feel this way.

Aug 15

Borderlines can be overt or covert with episodes like your describing its different for everyone with it. Sending some encouragement and tenderness and understanding your way. Borderlines will see you as a "figurative" parent subconsciously and treat you like that if your close enough to them. Its black and white on how they think you should act when they get triggered so they devalue you in a sense until their idolization comes back around. That cycle will continue until therapy stops it so says therapists and counselors.

kisobel's picture
Aug 15

To the participants in this thread. There is a group here for Friends and Family of BPD and I think it would be a good idea to continue this conversation over there. This group is for members who have BPD. Thanks.


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