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Dear all, I'm dealing with self-diagnosed narcissistic pers

Dear all,
I'm dealing with self-diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. I recognize my childhood and relationship patterns in the descriptions I've read about this disorder online and in books. I'm married with three children and my wife is about to divorce me, so I am very motivated to get well. I recognize that perhaps the best outcome for me might be to not be in a relationship, but for the sake of my family, I am trying to heal. I would like to know if anyone on this site has had success with healing from this disorder. The literature, with some notable exceptions, is extremely pessimistic. I pray to god that I am not a full blown NPD, otherwise, I feel totally lost. I am moving forward with a twelve step program because, from what I've read, Narcissism is a kind of addiction. I consider it emotional vampirism based on the need to fill the emptiness inside that is masked by the fake self. I am embarking on a journey to find my own inner source so that I don't have to leach it from others. Again, has anyone found success in this area? Do you have tips to share? I'm also interested in just plain old support. I figure it's either I heal or I join a monastery, so I'm open to new ideas. Thanks in advance!

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Mar 21, 2018

@valinor You are very welcome!... I understand how you feel; the irony of now finally seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel. The hope that healing, and becoming your best self, is now a real possibility. But it is still a difficult journey that requires support, and you’d hope your partner would stand by you, and support you. But one of the important aspects of true healing, is being able to see things from the other person’s point of view. Ten years of emotional abuse can take a heavy toll on someone. She most likely feels drained and exhausted; what she needs now is some time to focus on, and take care of, herself. Self-care is so much more essential than most people realize. Especially for a codependent type person, who focuses on people pleasing, taking care of others’ needs, and ignoring their own. They are constantly giving their energy, without replenishing it; eventually they run out and become depleted. You can’t give what you don’t have. It sounds like that may be the point at which your wife is currently. It might be a good idea to talk to a counselor for advice. But my suggestion is maybe you could discuss with her a time out for awhile. Meanwhile you both could totally focus on yourselves, go to individual counseling, and work on your issues. At a later time, after you’ve both had a chance to heal, and take care of each of your needs, you can then see where things stand. You should continue to work on the things you’ve mentioned. Build a support system of positive-minded people, focus on spirituality and the bigger picture, and heal the unhealed wounds inside yourself; actually you both need to do that. It is a show of unconditional love to do what is in the best interest of the person you love; even if it may not be what you want. The ego wants what it wants; it doesn’t care about someone else’s needs, or what’s best for them. Unconditional love, which is generated by the true self/spirit/soul, wants what is best for the loved one; it is pure and selfless love. Believe me, she will see that (souls relate to souls), and it is the best way to prove your love is authentic and genuine. You both need time to repair and replenish. We are always available to support you. I hope things work out very well for both of you. The most important thing is to be whole and well yourself, before you can give your best self to others. Please feel free to PM me anytime, if you need to talk......

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Mar 21

Is NPD like being a sex addict? I've been to SL&A every week for a year and it worked. Either that or menopause set in and saved the day!

Apr 9

Lol. Crazy8, I'm glad to hear the therapy worked.


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