I've literally begged everyone that can physically get to me

I think that when you're panicking, it's goos to remember friends arent trained to help you, depending on how panicked you are and could do harm tp you, or you could emotionally harm them in that state. The best thing to do is call a crisis line. As for your child. I recpmmend a channel on youtuve called patrick teahan LSW who talks about childhood trauma and neglect. Both for your own healing, and for avoiding similar outcomes for your xhild. You are doing your best, and if might look like "the bare minimum" to others, but it's important to have compassion for yourself. Compassion for yourself, becoming more in control of your own emotions, taking responsibility for tour own emotional regulation, and situation----this is very difficult to do when we need to be xomforted and no one steps up. But you have to be the one to give that to yourself, as an adult. If you can get counseling, and get parenting classes, and learn everything you can about childhood trauma---you will heal and your relationships will all improve.