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I am so heartbroken and my S.O. just keeps dragging me along

Traffic_Report's picture
[1860]

I am so heartbroken and my S.O. just keeps dragging me along i don't know what to do. He wanted to be friends immediately after breaking up, i tried and it was too painful. So i told him i need space to heal before being his friend and he responded by asking if he can have some time to think about whether or not he wants to give our relationship another try. This surprised me but i said ok, take all the time you need I'll be here. That was 5 days ago and i don't think i can wait much longer. It has been torture. I don't want to rush him and ruin my chances but i can't take thia pain of being strung along anymore. He is not a very emotional person i don't think he understands how painful this is for me. I don't know what to do.

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[460]
Sep 17

I too suffer from bpd and being rejected in any relationship is disastrous for me. I have learned to avoid people who string me along because it's super detrimental to my emotional well-being.

I have been broken up with the love of my life for over 18 months now and I still feel myself pining for him pretty regularly. I resist (most times) the urge to call or text him because it just leads to continual disappoinment.

He claims to think of me often and still says he loves me. But says he doesn't love me that way and sometimes claims to have never loved me "that way" which is extremely hurtful. We were together for 3 years and lived together for half that time so when he says things like that it really hurts me. Because I have bpd I tend to really feel the negative emotions of these interactions which causes me to become depressed, tired, and results in emotional outbursts that I really have no control over.

My ex also has this idea that years from now we'll get back together and fall in love all over again, but in the meantime I need to work on myself until he's decided I'm emotionally well enough to be in a relationship. So to me, that's him basically saying I'd like to keep you on the back burner until I've exhausted all my options, and I know you'll take me back at a moment's notice because you're make in love with me. To me, that's not good enough and it shouldn't be good enough for you either. And I know how hard it can be too want to be loved and accepted, especially by the people you love the most. That's why it's so hard to break the ties in these unhealthy, unfair relationships.

I finally had to accept that my ex is never going to love me the way I love him. And I know I deserve better. I want to be with someone who loves me without conditions and terms on that love. We all deserve that.

Over time, I've discovered that yes, he never really did love me. And he told me that. I just didn't want to hear it.

My advice is try to cut the ties even if it's just one thread at a time. You can do it

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[145]
Sep 17

Any body from North Carolina? Lonely:(

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kisobel's picture
[-709200]
Sep 18

@Rchl781 I just read your post and you expressed yourself so well. It is a real sign of strength to let go of this hurtful relationship. We are here for you. Hugs.

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