I am almost afraid to post this. I am married, stay at home

I am almost afraid to post this. I am married, stay at home mom, and I live on a street people dream about. Full on Wonder Years. We're all best friends. We do trips together. Our children go to school together. Every week we do Sunday dinner. We're outside constantly just hanging out letting the kids play, bbqing etc. Block parties you name it. We all love music, good food, game nights and good wine/beer. I had an amazing life. Except I am depressed (have been all my life) suffer Borderline personality disorder and I started sleeping with my neighbor whose wife I loved. It wasn't a spiteful situation I entered. I wasn't thinking at all and it took a good two years to get this man to finally start hooking up with me. He soon fell hard for me as I did for him and we got sloppy and got caught. The whole street found out. I was ostracized and as we Borders do, it became life or death and I threatened my life. Ended up in a hospital, spent 30 days in an in -patient program with intensive therapy. I have ridiculous amounts of remorse. I am on meds for my depression, I am in Dialectical Behavior Therapy and leaving my center I felt so much better than I'd felt in years. But now I am home and no one is speaking to me. I wrote letters of amendment while I was away and I am not expecting forgiveness. But the isolation is putting me back into a downward spiral once again. Please don't judge. I am judging myself daily. I am not a bad person. I did a bad thing. A very bad thing. I am trying to put my life back together (husband is very supportive and wants to work things out) but my journey towards forgiveness is slowly eating away at me. I destroyed everything. I have a hard time focusing on any positive. One family who is stillspeaking to me says forgiveness will come with time but I am so at a bottom. I am so sorry for those posting on here who were the ones cheated on- I would trade my situation with any of you.

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kisobel's picture
[161790]
Apr 21

@OlFaithful This thread was closed yesterday.

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norseduncan's picture
[83960]
Apr 21

@OlFaithful 'The good life was too boring probably. Needed an alternate reality to cope with the stress of keeping up with the Joneses. Hard to feel sorry for anyone that puts that much effort into ruining lives'. quoting you here. exactly what about this is supportive? yes this was crossposted in infidelity, but was also in BPD, as this poster is a borderline. 'But sexually acting out is a common, unhealthy way people with BPD cope'. this is a quote from msrobot above, and plays into this situation, a fact which ms. robot and I both understand (I am not a borderline, but have a very dear friend who is, so I get it as much as a non borderline can). you and a few others...as I have unfortunately seen on this board more than once...acted seemingly out of your own pain and lashed out at a new user who may now be discouraged from using this site thanks to her first experience. good job, that. if you read something on these boards that upsets you, it is NOT ok to act like that. walk away. I am sorry that you were cheated on. I also have been. but that doesn't give you or anyone else the right to lash out at every person who cheats (nor were you the person at all who lashed out the worst, in fairness). in closing, I direct your attention to another new user in this thread, lifewithouthim, with a good example of how to handle this situation supportively.

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norseduncan's picture
[83960]
Apr 21

@kisobel you are correct. maybe we should have all capped it.

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