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Impossible situations are something I feel that comes up a l

heath_minusly's picture
[5660]

Impossible situations are something I feel that comes up a lot at home. My wife is very well spoken and articulate in explaining how what I just did, or did not do, was wrong/rude/uncaring/terrible. My thinking was or is wrong. The way I handle things...you guessed it...wrong. However, over the years of being in many situations and acting in ways I was told I was wrong I am starting to learn when/how to deal with new situations. Unfortunately...nope...no good....also wrong according to her. Then she goes on and on detailing ever details of how I "should have known" I was wrong. I feel like I am playing a sport/game where the rules change as we go.

I said this, that the rules feel like they change, in therapy one time and she was soooooo angry at me after the session. During the session we somehow changed the analogy to me "not playing the game" instead of me "not understanding the game". I got accused of checking out too much instead. Then for the ride home she went on and on about how unfair I was for saying something like that without talking about how bad I am....and then she proceeded to berate me with lists of all my mistakes over the years. She does this a lot to me...makes me feel terrible.

The result of these situations often hit the level where she is telling me she is done, wants me to leave, and wants a divorce. This is a rule that never really changes. No matter how much, often, or intently she says she wants it over if I try to leave the house, even just for a trial separation, she will rage and lose it. Even if she is sitting there telling me my not leaving is disrespectful, don't leave. If she aggressively states my not leaving is holding her hostage, don't leave or agree to leave. I may lose sight and think when she said that if I had any shred of love for her at all I would just "f**ing get out"....nope...just weather the storm. It is ALL testing me.

At this level again last night into the wee hours and probably this morning when she gets up. I am feeling desperate to NOT be in this emotional turmoil.

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heath_minusly's picture
[5660]
Dec 4

@NCMom - this does simplify things. I appreciated your comment. Thank you!

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Stillup's picture
[640]
Dec 5

@FreeingMy_30 Made me laugh out loud there. Yes, that's the realization I had too, with the help of a certain life coach pointing out the tendency. Years of traumatization from an abusive mother jacked up my "sensor", if you will, for what a loving woman looks like, to the point where time after time I've fallen for only the most abusive. Looking back, so many times when I just felt someone was "special", they were; especially deceitful and unloving and sometimes even malicious. This even carried over to the friends I chose until I had surrounded myself with a den of vipers. I'm out now. And the world looks very different through my current eyes.

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[655]
Dec 7

I am sorry for what you are going, here is a link to an article that might clarify some things for you http://bit.ly/2G8qZHW , Prayers my friend

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