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Trying to recover from the weekend conflicts (Fri and Sat).

heath_minusly's picture
[5275]

Trying to recover from the weekend conflicts (Fri and Sat) with my wife. Then Sunday was real nice and we seemed to get along...but...I feel emotionally raw and sore like I got beat up. She gets upset and hurt, in ways I think are overreacting but she would disagree, and I feel like she then just dumps on me. I tend to have a short memory and let things go but this is why I am in the position I am in today. I let these things go and write them off as "well she was just angry and upset".

I have been recording our interactions on and off for a long time now (a couple years now). I started recording these because I wanted to keep my sanity. So often I question my own thoughts and perceptions after we communicate through conflict. I have not really spent time listening to these recordings...they are really uncomfortable for me to hear.

This morning I listened to a few and I instantly got those panic feelings I get when we do have conflict. Nothing I say, do, or feel, is right with her. She drills into me on how I "MUST feel", negative about her of course, and how I think based on my actions or facial expressions. It is a reminder to how bad things get...at least for me. She does not lose her temper and scream and throw things but she is just so intense and focused and overwhelming. If she does get physical I have turned emotional myself and tried to storm out and leave the conversation which triggers her to be physical. She says very targeted things and rips me up like a defendant on stand. I cannot put into words how good she is at conflict.

Yesterday being good our usual cycle would be to act normal today. We will flirt, have some laughs, things will be good. Then when she is upset again I will not be able to talk to her because she will be in "conflict mode". Therefore I will try to talk to her about this weekend today. I usually do not bring things up again because I am so glad they are over but this has to stop. I need to crawl out of this storm I live in even though the eye of it is so calm and nice.

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[505]
5 hours ago

@Feelingstuck421 Just learned about GREY ROCK. Everyone needs to research this. It is a small way to get confidence and power back, for sure. Being with a NPD Is so complicated that you need a solid place to stand from to start getting healed and still deal with the relationship.

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[505]
5 hours ago

@heath_minusly - You may need to research codependency and see how the narcissist / Codep relationship works and why it is so complicated. You may also want to research Empath. You may have a wonderfully cursed personality trait that is like crack to an NPD.

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LivingOnAPrayer's picture
[2140]
1 hour ago

@firetruckduck I'm an empath for sure. My husband has never been diagnosed with NPD but he does fit some of the markers, as well as some of the markers of borderline personality disorder. I've tried grey rock technique but it's hard to follow through on when I am upset and feel I'm being treated horribly and unfairly. It usually stops his yelling at me but it never resolves anything, as then he shuts down too in response.

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