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Trying to recover from the weekend conflicts (Fri and Sat).

Trying to recover from the weekend conflicts (Fri and Sat) with my wife. Then Sunday was real nice and we seemed to get along...but...I feel emotionally raw and sore like I got beat up. She gets upset and hurt, in ways I think are overreacting but she would disagree, and I feel like she then just dumps on me. I tend to have a short memory and let things go but this is why I am in the position I am in today. I let these things go and write them off as "well she was just angry and upset".

I have been recording our interactions on and off for a long time now (a couple years now). I started recording these because I wanted to keep my sanity. So often I question my own thoughts and perceptions after we communicate through conflict. I have not really spent time listening to these recordings...they are really uncomfortable for me to hear.

This morning I listened to a few and I instantly got those panic feelings I get when we do have conflict. Nothing I say, do, or feel, is right with her. She drills into me on how I "MUST feel", negative about her of course, and how I think based on my actions or facial expressions. It is a reminder to how bad things get...at least for me. She does not lose her temper and scream and throw things but she is just so intense and focused and overwhelming. If she does get physical I have turned emotional myself and tried to storm out and leave the conversation which triggers her to be physical. She says very targeted things and rips me up like a defendant on stand. I cannot put into words how good she is at conflict.

Yesterday being good our usual cycle would be to act normal today. We will flirt, have some laughs, things will be good. Then when she is upset again I will not be able to talk to her because she will be in "conflict mode". Therefore I will try to talk to her about this weekend today. I usually do not bring things up again because I am so glad they are over but this has to stop. I need to crawl out of this storm I live in even though the eye of it is so calm and nice.

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[805]
Dec 4

@heath_minusly - I've started going to Codependents Anonymous. It has been extremely beneficial to start learning what having a healthy relationship looks like and what kind of behaviors that lead to codpendence. It is a safe place to express yourself and connect with others on a healing path. Lots of meetings in most towns. Just a suggestion if you wanted to explore a path.

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[5930]
Dec 4

@firetruckduck - I am jealous...I really wanted to go to something like this. I tried but my wife got angry and said those are for other types of people dealing with real problems. If I went it is because I like to play victim and be a martyr to be manipulative she says.

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LivingOnAPrayer's picture
[5875]
Dec 4

@firetruckduck thank you so much. I'm going to try more deliberately to use the technique and take a breath before yelling back at him.

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