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I was hopeful that the new year would bring better days. It

I was hopeful that the new year would bring better days. It started really well. My wife and I got along for days. We went on a trip, spent time with family, had some real good times.

Then last night it ended in an instant. She tells me she is unhappy because of things I do and/or do not do. Wants to have a deep conversation about why I never change. If I say I am sorry and will try better then that is not good enough. I should have something to say why I don't. So I tell her how sometimes feel uncomfortable and unsafe with her reactions and comments. She said I am a liar and manipulative.

Now she is back to saying she wants me to move out for a break. Of course if I pack then she will escalate and rage on how terrible I am for leaving.

Nothing I do today will be right. I can feel my chest bubbling up with anxiety and panic. I feel I have no escape of this turmoil.

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[22750]
Jan 15

@CKH5268 All these things... I understand. I had to brace myself just to go home after work. If he was there or not, what mood he would be in so I would know how I needed to feel... I would get physically ill just driving home. I knew I had to end it. you can't keep your body in that constant state of stress too long or you will start getting really sick... ulcers, migraines, etc.. I am proud of you for realizing it, and making a plan to make it end. It isn't easy or pretty, but it is worth it to find peace.

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[5880]
Jan 15

@CKH5268 - I never related what I do when getting ready for the impact to how I prepare for a physical hit. I am a goalie in soccer and taking a hit like a foot to the gut or ball to the face comes with the job. I brace for impact and hope for the best.

...interesting analogy!

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[5880]
Jan 15

@Bop - I read that stress at home lowers your life expectancy. It literally kills you to put up with it.
:-(
Why...why do we?

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