I am new to this site, but am desperate for support and advi

I am new to this site, but am desperate for support and advice from other parents who may be dealing with something similar to my situation. My 7 year old daughter is extremely defiant and has been pretty much since she began talking and developing her own personality and sense of self. She is very stubborn and strong willed and at such a young age, clearly already knows the kind of person that she wants to be. She suffers from anxiety, combined ADHD and Reactive Attachment Disorder which all were diagnosed shortly after she turned 6. She is extremely smart but has a very difficult time in school. I get calls and emails from her teacher at least once a week about something that she has done that is way out of bounds and because of this it has been extremely hard for me to keep stable employment mostly because I am it. I am the one who has to leave work when the school calls and says that she has to be picked up because she just threw a chair across the room, or I have to come in and talk to the principal about possible expulsion because she has thrown another tantrum in class that ended up in her damaging school property. I recently started her in a therapy program offered through her school to help with anger management and teaches coping mechanisms for times when she doesn't know how to deal with whatever emotion she is feeling but unable to express. Tonight, she pushed and pushed and pushed until I got so mad that I had to lock myself in my room and scream repeatedly into my pillow as loud as I could just to keep from releasing that anger out in a negative way. I struggle with my own anxiety, depression, addiction recovery, borderline personality disorder and anger issues so to say that her and I butt heads would be a huge understatement. I don't know what to do anymore and I truly need advice and help on how to do this. How to parent such a defiant child while also trying to make sure that my 3 year old son doesn't pick up on everything that my daughter does. I am struggling, and at this point not really sure what to do or how to move forward. Does anyone else feel this way about their child? If so, how do you live each day without feeling like a complete failure or fight the urge to just give up? Not necessarily give up on her but give up on myself. I am exhausted and am not sure how much more I can take emotionally and mentally.

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(20)
Jan 20

@Pauline1234 thank you so much for your kind words and support. Being a mom is the single most difficult job I have ever had and at times it feels like I just don’t have what it takes to raise two kids. Then I wake up in the morning to two of the most beautiful, sweet, kind and loving faces I have ever seen and I tell myself I can do this even when I feel like I can’t. Having support and knowing I’m not alone makes me feel so much better about everything I face and I truly appreciate your comment and kind words. I know we are on different parenting levels since yours are older but if there is ever a time you need to talk or need support please reach out and know that you aren’t alone either!

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(2485)
Jan 21

Thank u I’m always here for u.When my children were little I had some issues like that too the only thing is that I was the one that was really obsessive and depressed and had a very bad anxiety so unfortunately my children had to deal with that which made them grow up and have all these issues having anxiety ,and depression themselves . so I suffer with such guilt over that so when my children were little and younger yes I might’ve not had the same issues but I had a lot of other problems with outburst they had anger I had to be on top of them but school. unfortunately one daughter is extremely depressed and I’m worried every day I’m worried she’s going to take her life she said she will never but her are getting more depressed and I’ve tried to get her into treatment she’s 25 she doesn’t wanna go to treatment again . she did short period in a program for six months and then just left. but one thing that I do know as we as parents if we love unconditionally and we show compassion and we do get up in the morning like you said and we do try then we’re really good parents! because we’re trying and that’s very important and that’s important. sometimes to have guilt I think with that guilt for me I try to shift it and make it a little bit better instead of fighting with my children about them not calling me and how they don’t care I kind of given them the space and I back off and shut my mouth and I think it’s because I’m using that guilt to treat them with more respect and then I have this support group which is wonderful. but I’m always here for you and yes I would love to be able to talk to you thank you so much for that offer because I definitely always need help to get through the day .thank u

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(40)
Feb 8

I can relate. My daughter has issues as well. It was such a hard, hard time. I never thought I'd make it, felt helpless and like I was failing as a mom. It's torcher. I was finally able to get her some help & medication, it helped so much. We still struggle from time to time but those low times where so incredibly hard to get through, especially alone. I'm here if you need

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