Noe i know why PBD is labbelled as HELL!!! Because every sin

Ellenize's picture
[230]

Noe i know why PBD is labbelled as HELL!!! Because every single second of every single day is a living hell to keep myself going!!! Since i was diagnosed it has been a strugle but as if Karma just wasnt having enough fun screwing me around i was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer as well!!! Why do i keep trying???? I just dont see a reason for going on like this and putting my babies through all this pain

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Ellenize's picture
[230]
May 18

@highexpectations there was a time when i really believed in God...but as the years went by and nothing ever changed no matter how hard i kept hold of my faith i kind if just let that go as well....last year when i was diagnosed with BPD i started out with a great support group of friends but as always i just drove them away. I had to hear how emotionally draining i was to everyone around me!!! And when i got diagnosed with cancer last week and called up on of them for support i had to find out that he and a few others think im looking for attention!!!! I know im mentally f****d but jeez...i wont cry cancer just for attention!!! Most of my relatives has passed away because of cancer.......i try to tell myself im not alone but im going in for a operation on the 31st.....and i will be all alone...

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[540]
May 18

@Ellenize It's ok. It really is. You may doubt that people care, you may doubt that God cares, but I promise you He does. I think about how hard I've struggled to "control" everything in my life. I've tried to control the conversation, to control how other people see me or treat me. It's all for nothing though, because I can't be God. I can't love like He loves. But I can trust that it's going to be ok. I've had to learn what Paul writes about in the New Testament. He says that he's learned to be content with the ups and the downs, the happiest times and the saddest times. He's able to do that because he knows he can trust Jesus for whatever he truly needs. God is always faithful. God even loves those that curse Him and run away from Him. I'm not saying that our issue is one of faith or sin or any of those things, but I do know that trying to live our lives without Him, if we truly believe in Him, will only make us feel worse. I'm still thinking of you and praying for you. I pray you find peace.

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Ellenize's picture
[230]
May 18

@highexpectations thank you very much for your support and encouraging words....you will never know how much it means to me. ☺

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