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I’m not understanding my own thoughts anymore. I feel as i

I’m not understanding my own thoughts anymore. I feel as if I need to feel something like immediate pain or sex to stop all this noise in my head . I want to cut so bad but I know that I would be found out . I need silence all the noise and feel something other than this emptyness. And what makes me feel even worst is that I know my ex isn’t going through half of what I’m going through since he left. I hear the term move on so much from people around me that it make me feel even worst. I’ve been trying just that. I’ve working out, seeing a therapist , trying to join groups and meeting new people but in the end this break up is like it happened yesterday and I’m in a time loop repeating the events that took place over and over again. I feel like I’m not in control anymore . I’m scared if I say these things to my therapist he might consider sending to inpatient facility. I mentioned something like this to my best friend the other and she put me on hold and secretly called my mother, next I knew she came banging on my door frantic and scared threatening to call the police. My friend was crying uncontrollably on the phone saying she was scared and sorry . In that moment I realize how I don’t belong here because I hurt everyone and I don’t have anything to offer anyone. I need this to end .

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Opty's picture
[155]
Jan 10

I can relate. I was always scared my therapist would send me (back to) inpatient. But if you've never been before, I would highly recommend it. Preferably one with a good DBT instructor. It takes a bit of adjustment, but it gets a lot better. All that noise disappears because there are minimal external stressors. I found it to be incredibly beneficial because everyone there is in similar situations, so easy to feel more connected. Outside? Yeah, it's rough because we're surrounded by "normal" people and it's SO difficult to feel connected with anyone. But in those programs, all the people are there to get better so it's very different energy.

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[4775]
Jan 10

You have a lot to offer.if someone can make you feel that low you are better off without thethem.isn't it crazy how some people move on so quickly after heartbreak?like you meant nothing.

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[4775]
Jan 10

I think you need some relaxing time for yourself.pamper yourself a little and maybe do something to relax.something you enjoy to take your mind off everything.

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