Hey guys :)) I'm new here, and nice to meet you all. I'm an

[695]

Hey guys :)) I'm new here, and nice to meet you all. I'm an 18 year-old male, and although I have never been to a doctor to examine whether I have mental illness, I think I might be suffering from depression and borderline personality disorder. Sorry if the upcoming part is wordy but I'd appreciate if you took the time to just read it. Thanks in advance ;)

I don't really know how to say it. but part of me feel really guilty, 'cause I know I have it so much easier than most people. I have proper shelter, food on my table and a family that is in no way broken or anything like that. On that note, it feels almost like its wrong to be feeling this way. But I do, and I can't really shake it off. Everyone around me also expect me, as a male, to be strong and not to be so emotionally weak, which just adds to why I feel like I'm .. just a bad human being.

I really want to talk to somebody about it, but I have a feeling nobody takes me seriously or just find me too annoying. And my family often interrogates me about why I'm always in a bad mood and all that, and it just feels horrible to think no one understand. They've asked several times if I'm mentally ill but I can't bring myself to tell them that I think I may be and it feels horrible to be stuck in this loneliness. And before I realize it, I've been shutting everyone out and feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.

And I know that my situation can't even compare to what most of you must be going through but I do feel scared and lonely. .. I don't know what to say beyond this point. I guess thank you for reading. Hitting that "Save" button really makes me feel a bit warmer knowing that there are people who will be reading this and you guys won't judge.

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AllthesethingsIhavedone's picture
[4100]
Jul 16

@tienhung411 I think you are brave. Being honest is a sign of strength, especially when it is difficult. Don't let anyone ever make you feel shame for it

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Bayareamike's picture
[230]
Jul 16

You seem to realize that you are blessed in many aspects of your life. Yet these blessings don't make you feel whole. There's a part of you that's dark and neither you or your family can intelligently understand its depth, meaning and anguish. You just know something is not right, and your family suspects the same although it sounds as if they are in denial. It seems they presume that the family name and a male member at that can't have weaknesses that you have suggested. Men are strong by gender and the family is stronger by genetics they might be thinking.
Your guilt feelings associated with the many blessings in your life might be self punishment; moreso, a distraction and inevitably an excuse for not taking positive steps in search of resolution.
Idea to ponder:
Make a list of all the "things" that you believe need to happen in order to get things movig.
Then put them in the order that makes sense to you.
Lastly, at the top of the page state The Problem. Go deep inside yourself and get to the real core issue. It may not be obvious.
Hope this helps a bit. Just my thoughts. All good wishes

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[695]
Jul 17

@Bayareamike thanks for that. I think I somewhat have a deeper understanding of my problems now. I'm gonna try what you suggested. Hope it works out

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