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I've taken a shower and washed my hair but I still feel dirt

PeppermintSunrise's picture
[6070]

I've taken a shower and washed my hair but I still feel dirty. I feel like ugly filth and just nothing good look at. I see my body and so on and it's like my mom was right. Why would anyone want me? If even my hygiene is better who would? It's this constant feeling of harshness. Thanks to bring mentally and emotionally abused its HARD to not think thos way about myself. I'll avoid mirrors all the time because I just dont like what I see. Its unfortunate but I'm on this site to tell truths I can never tell anyone else.

Comment
 3
Burn's picture
[535]
Sep 10

Truly sorry for your past. Your health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, not to anticipate troubles, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly. If we don't let go there will be nothing to look forward. Anxieties, depressions will build up. I understand it's not going to be easy. But no one is going to do it for you, only you are the solution. Make the choice to reconstruct your mind frame. You have to do the best you can. This is your sacred human responsibility. Peace is the greatest need for you now, it's within yourself. Find it. My part, to help you remember what it means to do that. Manifest Your Power Accept, Relax, Trust. Accept. Relax. Breathe. Let go. Trust yourself, Higher Power, and the universe to manifest the best possible destiny when the time is right for you. Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.

Reply
[3615]
Sep 11

No, your mom was wrong, maybe it is what she was told when she was little and she didn't know better, but you are beautiful and worth loving! Look in the mirror, smile at yourself and say "I like my nose, I like my eyes, I like my hips, I like my lips..... over and over every day, and it will become more and more true. hug yourself, you are loved, you are a treasure. Speak kind truths to dissipate the hateful lies that hurt you. Some other things that help are the following. Taking magnesium (or eating almonds, drinking almond milk) calm the mind body and spirit and Ginseng gets rid of sticky negative thoughts that loo[ around in your head. Vitamin B Complex is great for good energy and focus. Getting out in the sun without sun screen allows your body to absorb the Vit. D that is mood enhancing too. Another thing you might think on is maybe volunteering. It helps you find purpose and like minded people, it blesses you as you bless others who need to know the love you didn't have. <3

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shelby94's picture
[55]
Sep 19

I struggled with BDD for years. And I understand exactly what you are describing. My husband helped keep my BDD in check and when he died, all bets were off. I ended up with a man who never complimented me and made me feel “less than”. This was a recipe for disaster. I ended up getting unneeded plastic surgery and that was disastrous. I then ended up getting reconstructive surgery and the end result was good and in retrospect, I never looked better. However, I couldn’t see it. You describe your face morphing when you look in the mirror and that’s exactly how I felt. I felt I looked horrific, cried nearly everyday and **** just went sideways from there. I got medicated, took pain pills and hid in my house for fear to be seen. So....I beg of you, do NOT get plastic surgery. You will not be satisfied or happy. Why don’t you do something far less invasive and costly? Maybe get your hair and makeup done and get professional photos so you can see how beautiful you are just as you are.

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