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I woke up this morning feeling really good, and then i had a

I woke up this morning feeling really good, and then i had an appointment with my psychologist, and i went there... And I felt like i had nothing to say to her, and i felt like i didnt want to talk about my problems today, i just didnt feel like it because i was feeling good and capable, and so i went there anyways, and i just starting talking .. And it didnt feel right, it didnt feel good at all, because i didnt want to talk about it, and i didnt feel like talking about problems with her but i forced myself to do it, and i violated myself, but when i got home i just felt so sad, i really felt sad, because i had acted against myself, i had violated my own inner will, and im so sorry about that, i could just feel the anger and hurt inside, i felt betrayed by myself, because i really didnt want to talk to her, and i should have cancelled, i know that now, i just feel so sad and hurt inside, and i feel like i dont ever want to go back there again, because i feel like it was so painful.. We talked about things that i didnt want to talk about, and I just have this idea that i HAVE to tell her things, and my problems, and negative things that i feel, but i really felt good so there was no point in me going, because i didnt have anything to talk to her about, and so yeah i forced myself to talk about those problems, and past issues - and it was like ripping up a wound that is healing, it just didnt do anything for my healing process, it just hurt me so deep that i would that to myself, i feel like i disrespected myself, and im hurt...

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[265]
Jun 25

Sometimes in therapy things get worse before they get better because in order to heal we must talk about our pain. Did you feel your therapist understood you and cared about you? If not you can find a new one.

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RainbowChard's picture
[9650]
Jun 25

I'm sorry you had that experience - I've had similar experiences and did not like how they felt. For me, it helps to actually share that with my therapist and address it in the moment. It takes practice being able to do that, as trusting that it's okay to express something like that often feels risky all by itself. But that is definitely one way of self honoring. <3

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[730]
Jul 27

I can relate. I have been there. It felt like an outer body experience. In fact I haven’t been back because I felt worse after.

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