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We all get into this mindset from time to time where we panic and see our life through whatever the opposite of rose colored glasses is. We see our life through a cracked and chaotic lense and we just freeze, we are terrified that this version of this particular time of our life, is permanent. How I am feeling now is forever, I am never going to fall in love, I will never be a parent, I will never be able to handle this illness or care for the person I love, I was not meant to be a caretaker... and the worries spiral until we are seeing our life as a broken, unfixable mess.

Change is hard, there is nothing harder than doing something different after you have done something a certain way forever! We hem and haw about making a change, we go to therapists, doctors, religious leaders, we read self help books, we look up articles online until our eyes are bleary and it all comes down to this, about any issue or problem you are dealing with, change is needed. But as a whole, we as humans are adverse to change, we like our routines, even if they don’t actually work for us. Our routines are comfortable and comfort is exactly where we like to be in life.

Do you ever feel like this life is in need of some better directions, like where is that darn instruction manual?! I have been feeling like that a lot lately, not feeling my best and that makes everything so much harder, doesn’t it? I have found that when I eat well and exercise I feel better, but this past year, well, I have learned that like all routines, they have to be shaken up every now and again.

This may be my favorite time of year, cool in the morning, warm enough to lay on my deck in the evening and play a few rounds of UNO with my children (they even let me win from time to time). The pollen is coating everything, but I am not sweating yet, so YAY! I am not a fan of freezing and I am not a fan of sweating in non workout clothes, like what is the point of getting dressed and putting on makeup?! There is something about the sun starting to warm everything up that makes me feel a hundred times better than a few weeks ago when I was still shivering on my morning runs.

Last week a man filled with hate, went into 2 mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand and opened fire, he killed 51 people and injured dozens others, their crime was simply being of a religion he did not agree with or understand and of a race he did see as worthy of life. The hate no longer surprises me, I wish it did, I wish it shocked me and made me slump down in tears, but the truth is if I went down that road, I would never get up.