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When everything is NOT coming up roses

Each of us work so, so hard to live a good life, a life of merit and worth. To be the best spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, child, employee that we can possibly be. We try to smile, we try to give a little of our time and money to organizations we deem worthy. We try to sit on the sidelines and cheer for our children. We try to do better than our parents and grandparents. We try and try and try and sometimes, or maybe often, life seems to throw back our best efforts and leave us bereft of all we are working towards.

Our life isn’t the Disney version we were sold. Everything doesn’t always work out and we certainly don’t break into song every 15 minutes or so! For most of us, we work so hard to achieve some dream we were sold, even if it isn’t our dream. To every single one of you reading this, let this sink in, be your own person. Stop dressing like you are feel you are “expected” to dress. Stop being the the person you are “supposed” to be. Stop trying to fit in! From being straight because you feel your Church, Mosque, Temple or religion doesn’t accept you, know that this is because of foolish interpretations of what people THINK God wants, not what a higher power of any worth actually feels. To staying in a relationship that is abusive or over because again you feel pressure from society or religion that you have to stay “till death do you part,” when everyday you die a little more inside.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

We spend so much time chasing our perfect fairy tale that we forget what life is about, truly living it, all the gritty, grainy details of it. We seek perfection, but we have to take off those rose colored glasses, because life isn’t always rosy. It is painful at times, it is often about chasing a diagnosis when your doctors poo-poo your pleas, it is ending a relationship that you want, but know you cannot sustain anymore, it is about getting up in the middle of the night with a sick child and then getting up early and heading off to work. It is about swallowing your pride and asking for help and support, both physical, emotional and monetarily that you and your family need, it is about being vulnerable and making changes in your life that you never thought possible.

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.” -Gilda Radner

Work on being present in this life, start a journal, a Social Media Account, start a note on your phone ... with some goals to that will help you live in this world, warts and all, the rules are, don’t make the goals about changing yourself; but about using your strengths or weaknesses to better yourself. They should not include weight loss, but instead goals on body positivity, eating healthier, drinking more water, finding a way of exercising that you enjoy. Instead of relationship goals, they should be about finding ways to first love yourself and then steps to making your relationship more about finding balance and connectivity. Instead of goals to be a better parent, make them about learning to listen to your children more, to stop indulging their every want and desire and instead teach them to read more, make home repairs, encourage them to do jobs for neighbors that you trust so they learn the value of a dollar.

“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.” -Arundhati Roy, The Cost of Living

Life without Rose colored glasses isn’t dark and gloomy, it is real and rewarding. We hope you all agree and work to put some of our suggestions into practice. We always love to hear from you, our door is always open, [email protected]. Wishing you all the best, Team SG

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