We are not promised easy or fair

After dropping off my children to camp this morning, another parent, who is an acquaintance, asked how I was doing. “How are you doing?” seems like one of the most loaded questions in the history of questions by the way and he asked because apparently I looked “harried” the other day (okay, he probably didn’t use that word, but in my head, that is what I heard). Which got me thinking, aren’t we all just in different levels of “harriedness” and depending on our level of caffeine, our clothes choice, our makeup/hair effort, how we are feeling that day, how well we are managing our mental and/or physical health and our addictions, vastly impacts how well we present to the world on any given day?

Demi Lovato, for instance, has a stunning IG account, she has pipes, a gorgeous body, she is open about her history of addiction, she is just the total package of a good human. Yet, she too still struggles with her demons, which appear in the form of addiction, and was hospitalized on Tuesday for a reported overdose. We mention this not in some sensationalized way, but as a reminder that everyone struggles, everyone, regardless of their notoriety, their bank account or fan base.

Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it's something that it doesn't get a day off. -Demi Lovato

We aren’t promised that life will be anything other than a challenging puzzle for us to put together, with little instruction. Outside influences will affect us, too be sure, but we have a lot more control than what first may appear. We can be particular and put together the frame of our life first or maybe we are more concerned with a particular part of the pattern, so we focus on that part of our life for awhile. Life is really what you make of it, what works for one person may not work for anyone else, but we can surely learn from one another, or we can follow wisdom from our religious leaders, self help books, therapists, counselors, our own stumbles, it is like looking at the puzzle guide or just deciding to dive in.

“The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated. And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.”
-Ted Hughes, Letters of Ted Hughes

So back to, “How are you doing?” I never know, do people really want to know intimately how I am doing, how things or issues repeat over and over in my head sometimes like a merry go round that won’t stop, surely not! Amongst friends I have recently been discussing how “things of substance” are never really talked about, how there are books that get you through a pregnancy, but really there is so little about all changes your body goes through for at least a year afterwards, or how hard pre teens are, or how you are supposed to navigate a medical system that does tests, but spends 10 minutes with you, if you are lucky, and only focuses on the issue at hand not how you are mentally or how the pain is affecting you, or how any of this is affecting your overall life. It is frustrating to say the least.

The worst type of crying wasn't the kind everyone could see--the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived.”
-Katie McGarry, Pushing the Limits

There is so much I love about working for Team SG, but the thing I love the most is that we get to provide a place where all these “unspeakable” issues and concerns that worry us to the brink are speakable. Not only is it okay to talk about the things you are dealing with, they are encouraged and other people who have been where you are now, encourage us to keep going and the ones who are struggling alongside us, cheer us on as well. It is a beautiful thing to be a part of.

“Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.”
-George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Wishing you all nothing but love and support-
-Team SG

Resources:
https://friends-and-family-of-addicts.supportgroups.com/
https://anxiety.supportgroups.com/
https://borderline-personality-disorder.supportgroups.com/
https://ocd.supportgroups.com/

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