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Pursuit of Happiness

A lot of us exist for the very highs of life and live in fear of the very lows,  that we sort of skip over living in the middle.  The ordinary workday, the repetition of making meals, cleaning up, and our nightly bedtime routine.  We gloss over the things we do all the time and forget that often they contain a lot of joy.  Every morning there is the ritual of coffee making. For us, it requires boiling the water, cleaning the presspot and measuring out the grounds.  At first thought it is just something we do, but when pressed (unintentional pun here) we would have to say there is a lot of joy in this morning ritual.  There is the sound of boiling water, there is the smell of coffee when we open the jar, there is the anticipation of the first cup and the wonderful taste of coffee with soy or oat milk.  

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. -Tom Bodett

Most of us want the highs we associate with brilliant happiness all the time, but the highs that we hold tightly to in our memories are often attached to momentous occasions.  The big firsts, graduating from college, meeting the love of your life (or a great love of your life), having kids, getting the news you are cancer free, getting an A on a test you studied really hard for, nailing a work presentation….

Happiness is a state of mind. It's just according to the way you look at things.
-Walt Disney
On the flip side maybe you always seem to be waiting for your happy moment to arrive, when I am (__________) I will finally be happy.  So you wait for the perfect person to sweep you off your feet, for the promotion you know you deserve, for the marriage and kids you dream about, for the job offer you know you would be perfect for...but when these dreams don’t come to fruition, you feel bereft, cursed and seriously unhappy. 

But here is a truth that may knock your proverbial socks off, happiness isn’t a goal, it is the result of living life in a manner that suits you.  It is about making your coffee, running around in the morning, working a job you are good at, even if you don’t love it, coming home to people that care about you, making comforting food, laughing over baking a cake that looks like something from the show Nailed It!  Happiness isn’t a result of perfection, it is about finding joy in the imperfect everyday aspects of your life.  

 Happiness is not a's a by-product of a life well-lived. -Eleanor Roosevelt

We have bought into this story book lie, which is that others are responsible for our happiness.  When my prince comes to rescue me, when I get married, when I move, when I get the promotion, when I get that super exclusive pair of shoes or purse etc., we just know we will finally be happy.  But even if we checked each item off our list, we might still be unhappy.  Happiness is our responsibility and if we feel unhappy it is up to us to create joy within our life.  

Happiness depends upon ourselves. -Aristotle

  1. Find Joy in the little things

Eat the chocolate you have been craving and savor it.

Do something you have always wanted to do, but always seem to talk yourself out of.

Do the activities that you like, not always the ones your spouse, children or friends choose.    

Find a hobby you enjoy, take a class, watch a video or enlist the help of a friend, but make this a hobby that when you work on it or spend time doing it, you know there is a smile on your face.  

  1. Create the Happiness you want in your life

If you want a relationship and in the past they never seem to work out, think about why that is.  What is it about a relationship you are chasing after?  If it is about having children, consider having a child on your own or raising a child with a friend.  Instead of thinking about what you THINK might make you happy, identify the true result you are looking for.  

  1. Recognize that sometimes unhappiness is untreated Anxiety or Depression

Therapy and medication are not a quick fix, but if you constantly feel out of sorts and are desperately unhappy, seeing a therapist, working hard in therapy and being open to medication is a healthy way to identify personal issues and treat traumas that may have prevented you from experiencing happiness in the past.  

It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy. -Lucille Ball

We all deserve happiness, but what brings us immense joy may bring you immense unhappiness, it is like assuming a friend loves chocolate cake because you love chocolate cake and then learning they hate chocolate and prefer vanilla.  To each their own.  We all have to find our own path to happiness, but we hope along the way you find love, companionship, joy and laughter.  

Wishing you all Support and Happiness,

Team SG




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